An Angel Returns Home

ABDELLAH IN PARIS - MARCH 2006

This is for me the beginning of a personal effort to recapture and understand the rhyme and reason, insight and lesson, and even beauty associated with what would appear to be a single event but which is really the culmination of a long series of synchronicities which lead up to, and even followed the event itself.

So, where to I begin? Well, those of you who have been following my blogs know of my wonderful friend Abdellah and our very special relationship, which included not only the lovely times we spent together in India, but even a 9 day visit I made to Paris to spend time with him in March of 2006. You can read a short account in the blog posts: http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com/#114495322641587364

Abdellah is the only person I ever knew who truly and literally lived each day as it if was his last…truly lived in the moment.

The only meaning money had for him was as a means to bring happiness into the lives of people (not just “others”, himself as well, as he was a person who truly loved and respected himself).

NADDI


He lived each and every day fully, and worrying about “having enough for the future” was a completely alien concept to him. He was my living lesson in non-attachment.


BHAGSU WATERFALL CAFE 2003

Abdellah’s quest during the short few years I knew him, was to get closer to God. This was his reason for pursuing the different philosophies he pursued, such as Kriya Yoga. He was looking for the best way to connect to Him. Well, he is now where he always wanted to be. With God - and I am happy for him as I know he is at peace and content. He was just an angel here on Earth waiting to get back home.

A PUJA AT BHAGSU WATERFALL


And the lessons I learnt from him, I was able to put into action in my own life by using money “I did not have” and “could not afford to use” – to bring joy and happiness in a surprising way, into the life of another person. And this small act snowballed and the effects of my one small action continued to bring further happiness to others as well.

The lessons I learnt from Abdellah, the days filled with joy and laughter we spent together, the deeper meaning of living life to the fullest which I was permeated with every time I spoke to him, the smiles of joy on the faces of all those who knew him every time his name was mentioned, are all things which will remain with me forever.

He will always be with me. Abdellah was a practicing Buddhist, and I just have to maneuver my way over a bunch of ants so as not to step on them, or watch a mosquito fly by without "clapping" it between my hands (I did that once instinctively when Abdellah was with me (!)...I have NEVER done it again!), and I think of him. [Abdellah's Mother is Muslim, and his step-father, who he grew up with, is Jewish (he has relatives in Israel), and one of his favorite foods is kneidlach, which I happily made for him with chicken soup one evening in McLeodganj. I also taught him how to make challah when I was in Paris with him. ] I just have to think of sausissons which he introduced me to at Kailwood in 2004, and I am in food heaven. The wonderful meals we shopped for, cooked and ate together, the movies we watched with his wonderful insights - he studied film in university in the States - the insights into Buddhist philosophy I received from him, but more important, in daily living...all these things keep him alive within me. Showing true loving-kindness, compassion and goodwill to all - not an easy thing to do ALL the time, was something that he could never NOT do. It was simply part of his essence. A living lesson in truly loving and respecting all living creatures, including himself. Like the wonderful plans he had drawn up for his new home in India, originally planned at the farmhouse in Kangra but later moved to an area near Palampur that his friend the Banker in Dharamsala was helping him with. A beautifully planned home, lavishly furnished with the best of everything including giant full wall size plasma TV screen.







AT KOKILA'S FARMHOUSE IN KANGRA WHERE HE WAS ORIGINALLY PLANNING TO BUILD A HOUSE

Well, let’s start with the fact that the last time I saw Abdellah was when he left Dharamsala to go back to Delhi and home to Paris, last year sometime in May 2007 if I am not mistaken. We had spent several really fun days together as usual, but his time in Dharamsala was short and we didn’t have the intense type of visit we usually do in India, where we spend extended periods of time together. So when I decided to go back to India in February 2008, we knew we would be meeting up for 2 weeks the beginning of March before he flew back to Paris after his several months studying Yoga in Mysore. He would come up to Rishikesh, and it would have been his first visit to Rishikesh and I knew he would love it, and was excited about seeing him.

I wrote to him from home to confirm the visit, but when he didn’t reply I didn’t think twice about it, as this was part of who he was and I never was disturbed by his lack of response to my e-mails. I always knew he read them all from the conversations we would have afterwards when we met. He just hated writing. He would prefer to call me by phone, which he did every couple of months, usually calling on a Friday night and saying “Shabbat Shalom” and throwing me off balance for a few seconds before I realized it was him calling.

I then wrote again when I arrived, and again as the beginning of March got closer, but still received no response. Someplace deep down inside I felt a twinge of worry, but ignored it, thinking that he perhaps had changed his plans, and would certainly be in touch with me when he was able to. And then the beginning of March came and went and no word. I even met our mutual friend Nikolai in Rishikesh and asked about Abdellah. He also said he had been strangely silent for a long time…even for him.

ABDELLAH AND NIKOLAI AT KAILWOOD IN MCLEODGANJ - 2004

But he also agreed with me that there was no reason for worry as this was typical behavior for him…Abdellah was my big lesson in true non-attachment, and I tended to agree with Nikolai, but something still didn’t seem right to me. But I brushed it aside. I would be home in Israel soon (it was a short trip to India) and if I hadn’t heard from him by then, would call him, or call a friend of his in Paris, which was the only other way I had of contacting him. And I continued with the short remaining time I had in Rishikesh, disappointed with not having seen Abdellah, but figuring there was a good reason for him not being there with me. I was after all, enjoying the company of Ben tremendously, as well as my healing meetings with Dudi, and was being kept quite busy and happy as well.

When I arrived home, still not having heard from Abdellah, I went to call his friend in Paris several times, but something always “got in the way” of the phone call. It just seemed to be something which would not happen. And then one day, I forwarded an e-mail to a group of friends, and when doing this, Abdellah’s name would always appear in the ”TO” window as he was alphabetically first on my list. The rest would be BCC , but anyone who opened the mail could see I had sent it to Abdellah. One of the recipients was Nikolai, and he sent me an e-mail simply saying “do you know-just in case- that Abdellah passed away about a month ago?”

Well, first of all it is not an easy thing to write and I certainly don’t envy Nikolai for being the one to write it to me, and second of all, what do you do when you read something like that? You go into shock and denial at first, I can tell you, and then you begin to feel guilty about not knowing about it sooner (but how could you?), and then you begin to think “Why didn’t I call sooner” (but what good would that have done), and then you burst out in tears, and then uncontrollable sobs, and you need to sit down, you need to speak to someone, you need to understand, you need to comprehend what you just read, and you cry and cry and cry until everything hurts and there are no more tears…and then you begin to cry again. And finally, you can breath once again and you begin to realize the impact of that simple sentence. You will never see Abdellah again…not in India, not in Paris, not anywhere. He will never call again and surprise you with a “Shabbat Shalom”. He will never come up behind you on the street , say “How YOU doin’ my friend” and when you turn around, see his amazing smile in front of you. You will never cook another meal together with him,


KITCHERI IN MY ROOM AT KAILWOOD - 2003

drink coffee with him, go shopping with him (shop until you drop style) again, never watch another movie with him again, never have him watch you dance folkdancing in the guesthouse room, never listen to music again with him, never just sit and talk with him or travel with him, or laugh with him, never go to Udeechi Huts in Naddi for fried chicken with him, never, never, and more never!

UDEECHI HUTS IN NADDI 2004


And then I began to do my best to put together a story of how this all happened. Being in touch with other mutual friends I was able to put together the sad story of his illness and surprising death. I will not detail it here, as there is no reason to do so, but will simply say that he contracted pneumonia in Mysore, and by the time he was flown home to Paris by his insurance company, quite some time later by the way, the virus had done too much damage and he was unable to recover. He was 47 years old. I further checked with them and his family, found out some precise dates of events etc., read stories many people had written about him, collected pictures etc.

I refuse to dwell on the “what if” questions etc., as there is simply no point in it, and prefer to put together for you a series of small synchronicities surrounding my arrival in India in February, my stay there, some unusual things that I realized through hindsight which show the interconnectiveness of our souls even after his death. I can truly tell you that I “see” Abdellah more now than I did when he was alive…he is with me very often. Watching me at folkdancing, attending a recent silent retreat with me, and during one of the meditations sat next to me, and in his typical fashion of never taking anything in life too seriously, said to me “Well, I see someone has finally got you to shut up!” (He very often commented that I talked too much!). He is actually sitting with me now and has already made a couple of comments about what I am writing. I wear a bracelet he once bought for me (by surprise…sending it to me by mail after I had already left India…after I had admired it in a jewelry store where we were shopping together for presents for his family members)…and I can feel him physically with me. His presence is powerful and loving and gentle and brings me great happiness…whenever I am feeling down, he comes around and brings a big smile to my face. I can truly say that I do not miss him , as I very rarely saw him anyway. When I return to India in a couple of months, I’m sure it will be difficult, but I am also sure that he will be there with me as well, just as he is now.

So now, just a small list of those things discovered in retrospect, bringing things more into focus and understanding.

I arrived in India actually quite ill, having fallen sick at home several days prior to my flight. Upon my arrival in Rishikesh, I actually began running a very high fever, which is very unusual for me, I rarely, if ever, have even a low fever when I am ill. After two days the guesthouse people took me to a doctor as they were quite worried about my condition, and he said there is extremely serious congestion in my lungs and he suspects pneumonia. He was an ayurveda doctor and gave me certain herbal medicines to take, but also recommended 3 days of antibiotics due to the extreme severity of my condition. I was quite surprised as I don’t usually get this ill. This was around the 14th of February. Later on, checking back on my blog, I realized that the first day I felt well enough to leave my room, or the small area near it in the guesthouse, was on February 22nd. This was the first day when, all of a sudden, all of the symptoms I had been feeling, completely disappeared, as if I had never been sick.
A couple of days after that, I met Ben and one of the first things he brought me to read was a booklet called “Do Not Grieve” which he had picked up at a local ashram in town. At the time, I simply read it and found many interesting ideas regarding life in general, and graceful acceptance of all that happens etc., without ever thinking that I would actually need it for true grieving. But there is was…in my room….
another thing which happened to me and is also documented in a blog post is a feeling of sudden and deep sadness for no reason which overcame me, and brought me to tears which could not be stopped. I had to leave the company of friends and run up to my room. It lasted for a few days and only when I did a full energy cleansing of my room did I begin to feel better and start sleeping again at night. I tried finding a reason for the sadness, but simply could not….everything was just beautiful in my life at the moment. It is something that came from a deep deep place within…only afterward I understood what it was and what had caused it to service.
Upon returning home to Israel, I began my Reiki Sharing group and at the first meeting, one of the people working on me said she felt a deep, profound sadness within me, so intense that it was difficult for HER to bear. I again said I could think of no reason for such sadness to be sensed as I was in an extremely tranquil and harmonious time in my life and all seemed to be going really well for me.

Once I found out the dates connected to Abdellah’s illness, his death, his memorial services etc., I went back and checked the above things by date as well. I was SO intensely ill just at the same time that Abdellah was at the most critical part of his own illness with pneumonia. The day he passed away, and no longer felt the suffering from the symptoms, was February 22nd! The same day I first was able leave my room, feeling complete relief from symptoms as well.
The booklet “Do Not Grieve” came in very handy the first day I heard the news at home as it helped me to put things into perspective and come to terms with what had happened.
The day of the Reiki Sharing Group turned out to be the same day that a Memorial Service was held for Abdellah in the States, and again the sadness was felt by me. And the sadness I felt in India, well, my soul KNEW what had happened…it just had no way of communicating it to me on an intellectual level, so even not knowing, I also KNEW, and the sadness already enveloped me.

And of course Abdellah continues to do things for others even though he is no longer here with us physically. The lessons I learnt from him, and continue to absorb, lead me to understand that someone near and dear needed immediate help, and that even though everything common sense told me said I could not help them, Abdellah said I could and should, and so I did, and wonderful things have happened to an entire family through that help but with thanks to him.

I will end this post with my thanks to God and the Universe for bringing Abdellah into my life, and to Abdellah himself for all the wonderful days he spent with me, and for the lovely moments he still spends with me to this day.

Goodbye My Friend!

MESSAGES FROM THE OTHER SIDE-India, May 26, 2007

Had breakfast this morning with a very nice lady who I had briefly spoken to before and we were each telling each other what we did in "real life" and she was explaining that for the last year or so she has discovered she has the gift of a medium and has entities coming to here with messages for people. We were discussing this and some of the messages I've received lately as well for other people, when all of a sudden she looked at me funny and said someone just came to talk to me!

First she just described her...an old crone, long white hair, walking stick, looks like a wise woman (I suggested medicine woman and she agreed). Says she is here to help me along the journey and that she has been with me for years now. Said that she was walking with me along the way until we came to the edge of a mountain, and for 6 years (!) I refused to go any further because of my fear. Then, the fear dissipated, and even though there was still a black cloud over me, I continued easily with her further along into the bright sunshine and the top of the mountain. (This would fit in just right with my first trip to India in 2001 when I KNEW I had to go in a new direction but fear sent me back to my hi-tech work and kept me away from truly serving...it is only now since I quit my job last August that I know for SURE I will never go back to that place again and only move forward to higher places ). But I can never stay long at the top and must always descend to continue learning new lessons before going further back up. And she will always be there to guide me if I let her. Even when I get to a quiet place, I will never be there long as there will always be new things to learn in order to go even further along the path.

She had a present of two doves for me (which represent lovebirds to me and I imagine deal with the new partner who is coming into my life soon...also had a powerful dream about my first meeting with him last night after my second Aura Transformation balancing)...and she also showed me an old, huge tree which to me represents, as trees always do, the stability of being rooting but still reaching for the heavens and continuing to grow in peace and tranquility.

She then said she would come talk to me personally, without using a medium, and I should just be open to hearing what she has to say to me...And then the lady I was eating with said she'd had enough and asked her to leave....

For me, this was very powerful as it made alot of sense. It's been years now that I've felt a certain affinity for Native Americans and particularly for medicine women...and I think in some past life I must have been connected in some way. And this medicine woman is just a new guide who has come into my life recently to help me along the tricky path...She seemed very real to me when the lady described her, as if I already know her...and I now have the feeling that she is the one who sent the previous 2 messages from the trees I received in Rishikesh.

I will be open to the messages she is bringing me, and give thanks for the continued guidance and direction I receive almost daily these days.

MESSAGE IN A DREAM - INDIA MAY 15T,2007

I am again sending a link to a post in my India Journal, as it brings home once more a profound message of how "things" work...

check out this link about a dream I had, and it's obvious relationship to my beginning Aura Transformation tomorrow....

click here

Love and light
Namaste
Jane

More Insights From India You may Find Interesting

I know I have been neglecting this blog, and you all have my apologies....but if you go to the link below, you can read something which I think belongs more here than on the India Blog, but it IS part of the journey in India, so I have published it there with
THIS

link for you to follow to read it.

As always, your comments are most appreciated and lovingly accepted.

Jane

INSIGHTS FROM INDIA-April 15th-McLeod, Dharamsala

You can read this post at the following link on the India Journal, but thought some of you might be particularly interested in it so am linking you to it from Here


Namaste
Jane

Confusion and Comprehension...New Insights from India

Some extremely powerful things have been happening to me this trip, and I'd like, once again, to share them with you. If you are interested in this latest story, please follow this link:

New Insights

Namaste to all
Jane

FINAL VALIDATION FROM THE CARDS

I will continue this post in the same vein as the previous 2, the Message from the Trees and the First Lesson from India and Poem, as it is a continuation of these two previous signs sent to me and is a final validation for what I now know to be my new direction...

Friday Afternoon, March 9th, 5 PM

After the profound events of the past couple of days, and my reviewing them while posting earlier in the day...after not sleeping most of the previous night, I am exhausted.

Sitting on my terrace, listening to classical music and the constant chanting fromt he Temples, I decided it was time for a new Tarot reading relection this new move forward in my understanding and the "path" I am now moving along. I opened the cards and found myself moved to tears as each came up. For those familiar with the Osho cards, I'm sure just the titles will move you as well, but I will give a little background further on for those unfamiliar with the cards.

The order they were picked represents their placement and each card has a different meaning within the reading, but that is not as important as the cards themselves right now...so if you don't understand about the placement, it will not make the cards themselves any less amazing as they fell into place...here they are in order:

THE FOOL
RIPENESS
BEYOND ILLUSION
RECEPTIVITY
MATURITY

I tried to photograph them with my camera but had no luck...wish you could look at them while reading this post...

I was simply brought to tears of joy as they appeared one after the other, without even delving further into their meanings...I will give you a little idea of what each card speaks of, but the words which keep repeating themselves in these cards are the exact words in my poem and lesson: Trust, knowledge, knwoing, truth, obstacles...Read below for a little more about the cards.

Just as I was choosing these cards, another sign was sent to me....The sky had been overcast and hazy all day today. Not nasty, just hiding the clear blue of the sky - the clarity of the heavens. Just as I opened these cards, the heavens cleared. The haze cleared and formed into puffy white clouds which drifted apart to reveal the clarity of the sky. The puffs of clouds are almost pink on the pale blue of the sky at sunset. Clearer and bluer than it has been since monring. a further final validation of all that has been "clarified" for me in many differnt ways. The Truth being revelaed through the haze.

To the Cards:
THE FOOL is the very first card in the deck. "...with every steop, the Fool leaves the past behind...he is in harmony with all that surrounds him. His intuition is functioning at its peak. ...the fool has the support of the Univers to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life. This card indicates that if you trust your intuition right now, your feeling of the "rightness" of things, you cannot go wrong. Your actions may appear foolish to others,...if trying to analyze them with the rational mind. But the "zero"(the number of this card) place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience."

RIPENESS
"...all you need to do is relax right where you are, and be willing for it to happen. ... It is simply the right time."

BEYOND ILLUSION

"...move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest Truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known."

RECEPTIVITY

"The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitidue for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole."

MATURITY

Just interesting to note here that the first card I picked is the FIRST card of the Tarot deck, and the last card I picked is the LAST card of the TAROT deck...giving even further meaning to this reading...perfect beginning and end.

"...has come to a time of centeredness and expansivenss....all of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection...this moment carries a gift-for hard work well donw. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within".

And that's it for now....I am still living in a glow, surrounded completely by the love of God and the Universe, my Guides and the Angels who are always with me.

I am truly blessed.
Namaste
Jane

MESSAGES FROM THE TREES- March 3rd, 2007, Rishikesh India

I spotted this tree on one of my walks in Rishikesh in March 2007, as well as the tree later in this post. They were directly across the mountain path from each other.

I knew they were a message for me in response to my recent requests for guidance and direction, clarity and understanding. I've already learnt from past experience that replies from the Universe come in many forms, so am always alert to answers that are sent my way.

Two days after seeing this tree, and contemplating its message, I received the following insight:

Every obstacle that comes our way is sent to us lovingly and with purpose by the Universe. Do not seek an alternative path in order to avoid the obstacle, but stand firm in what you know to be your chosen path, even when the going seems almost impossible. Embrace the obstacle lovingly, learn the lesson and continue to grow and thrive.


This is the second tree on the other side of the road and if you look carefully you will see it is two completely separate individual trees which have grown together as one at the top, but still maintaining their own identity where they are rooted in the ground. I think this says it all quite clearly regarding the success of a loving and intimate relationship.

Namaste
Jane

Thoughts, Insights, Understandings and Channelings from India

I would like to apologize to everyone who follows this blog regularly for the lack of posts, but as I mentioned, I am in India for an extended visit.

However, as usual, on these journeys, amazing things open up for me, and I'd like to direct you to the India Journal where you might find some interesting things to read.

If you are interested in my Panchakarma treatments, check the sidebar where there are categories listed and check out the "treatments" category for daily posts regarding the treatment and the results.

If you are interested in other things which are occuring to me on all levels, check out the topics which interest you.

I'd like to draw your special attention to two posts re: channelings I've received so far: First Channeling

and this one, even more interesting...I have not noted the details in the post but it is the first time I have EVER received a request to pass a "message" on to a third party!! You can read about it : here

Saab Kuch Maliga

I have not written in quite some time, actually since I finished the 3 part article on “Just for Today I Will Not Worry”. There are reasons for this, and the past few months have been a well needed, well deserved, and very much appreciated hiatus in my life for reflection and “digestion” of lessons learnt, and blessings received.

I have seen miraculous Divine plans fall into place with solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems for myself and my family members. I have seen the true power of our thoughts and prayers and my faith in God and his Universe have once again been strengthened….fortifying everything I wrote in the articles about “…I will not worry”. It is a powerful statement and no surprise that it is the FIRST Reiki principle. It is truly the basis for all that follows. You might like to reread the articles, especially Part II which deals with the role of Faith and its importance in “not worrying”.

I have learnt lessons in grief, faith and the blessing of being able to give unconditionally and without worry for my own future….knowing that all will always be provided for everyone, whenever it is needed.

It is a time of change for me, of dynamic and yet peaceful moving forward…I am without a job, my unemployment payments are coming to an end, and it is my 60th birthday next week….all signs of moving forward.

And of course, I am finally leaving for India…saab kuch maliga, Hindi for “anything (everything) is possible”.

For all of you who are used to receiving my journal entries by e-mail, they will now be found on my new Journal Blog (http://indiajournal2006.blogspot.com). I hope it will work properly and be easily accesible with the slow internet connections in India. If not, I will be forced back to sending the entries by e-mail. Time will tell. However, the blog idea will allow you the freedom to receive the posts or not. You can either check out the blog when you feel like it, or you have the option to subscribe to it (as you are subscribed to this one) and be sent e-mail notification when I post a new journal entry. Daily, interesting as well as mundane travel information and activities will be found on this travel blog. Insights, inspirational things, channelings and lessons learnt, “aha” moments, etc. will be written on this, the mindfulness journal blog.

Whatever this 4th trip holds in store for me, on all levels, I will gladly share with all and any interested parties. The choice this time is yours.

I will beginning this trip in an Ashram in Rishikesh for the first few weeks, perhaps month for Ayurveda treatments (panchakarma) for complete cleansing of toxins for health in general, and more intensively for treating my arthritis which has gotten very bad this winter. Perhaps see Dehradun and Nainetal while still in the area. Then on to Dharamsala and whatever that holds in store for me. May get to Amristar (Golden Temple) and even do some shopping in Jaipur this trip. Who knows?

But as they say in India: SAAB KUCH MALIGA!

Much love and light
Jane

Insights and Empowering Experiences, God and Nature

And yet one more profound journal entry which I must share with those of you who do not follow my India Journals....

Today is October 5th, 2001 but yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me...I wrote a very long letter which first of all thanked all of you who took the time and energy to either call or write to me during the last few really rough days here...I love you and really appreciate your efforts. But I also wrote many deep "inside" thoughts and wrote and wrote and wrote and when I tried sending it, the whole thing disappeared...this has never happened to be before...I always do copy before I send and so if something happens the letter is still there..but thistime, someone else's letter came up on the screen...really weird.

So I wrote again, not quite so in depth and still refused to be sent...so I came to the conclusion that those thoughts were not meant to be put down on paper, but rather savored within and staying within just for me to experience.

I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. From feeling guilty about feeling happy – to exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and that is the beautiful part about living it to the fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us through.

Perhaps this inner awakening occurred simultaneously in me precisely on the same day as hearing about the terrorist attack on my daughter’s house almost as the Universe’s way of getting me through the last couple of days OR - as a RESULT of my getting through the last couple of days!! Don't know which! Whichever-it has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me and I will never be the same as I was.

No matter what I do when I get back to "normal"-normal will never be the same for me as it was just 2 months ago.

The revelations of my childhood memories during my first long walk made me realize that many things we believe about ourselves and allow life's experiences to reinforce for us over the years with our owninterpretations, we are erroneously basing on false perceptions of ourselves as children and adults. This creates modes of behavior and beliefs which stifle our very physical being for as much as 1/2 a century of our lives!!

To be finally released from these beliefs-to dispel a myth about myself and who I have always believed myself to be-is like being released from the shackles of a certain type of bondage and being freed to discover and develop all the wondrous things just waiting inside!

That a walk in nature can do this to a person is again proof of what I wrote awhile ago...the green of nature is God's way of showing his love for all creatures on earth and it is there, surrounded by his love that we can truly find our selves and achieve a true feeling of LOVE for ourselves.

I don't remember a time in my life when I felt so invigorated and alive. And not just physically...all my senses were totally involved in the experience bringing me into my most inner being as well asfilling an expansiveness of my aura itself with amazing energies, tingling through me and expanding outward to join with the trees and mountains etc.

These days, spending time with others is almost an intrusion... This precious gift of being with ME is a blessing and it will be over in just a few days. I will have a different kind of experience traveling now with someone else which I'm sure will be no less important and revealing to me.

I am just sad that this beautiful period of isolation by choice is coming to an end. I feel as if I could live for months like this and not get tired of it. There are always people here if I want them, but being by myself has thedistinct advantage of allowing me to NOT speak with or see anyone by choice without insulting any one or feeling bad about going off by myself. And no explanation is ever required! It is a true luxury.

Tomorrow I have agreed to try a real trek with Darya up into the mountain...3-4 hours up the mountain but with tea houses all along the way...she understands that if I feel it is too much, we just come back down without getting as far as the waterfalls which are allthe way up there some place. This will be an additional "test" for me and I am really looking forward to it excitedly...alot of the walking is in the forest so I hopefully will not have trouble withthe heat, and we are both taking lots of snacks along so I guess it will be OK.

Another Lesson From India so Appropriate Here as Well

Still working on my journals from India, and again came across the following, which happened in 2001 but is so appropriate to what I have been writing about here on this blog. Particularly the post about "Living in the Shadow of the Past". Hope you enjoy this personal insight and would love your comments.

Much love to all of you...and success on your own inner journeys.

Monday October 8th, 2001-8 AM

I didn't really know how to write about what just happened but it has been another turning point for me in my work with myself and my quest to come to terms with my painful past experiences which have had such enormous impacts on my whole life. To know the past
and to perceive it in a neutral light and to truly be able to forgive and put it all where it belongs...in the past...and not have it always accompanying me in subtle forms in all I do and in my relationships up to this day......I very often felt I had managed to do just that, but certain memories would keep coming back to haunt me and the same painful emotions were always still there...dealing with this and freeing
myself from this has eluded me… until today.

The fact that this happened on the very last day of my 2 months alone is for me, at any rate, very significant...it means to me that this was the time I
needed to purge myself and it is now perfectly suitable for me to be getting on with my travels with someone else...I no longer so desperately need this time "with myself". It is just another proof to me that we must never worry about "what will happen
when..." as the natural flow of events, the overview, is always in place and perfect for our needs...we do not need to waste all of our valuable energies worrying if we made the right decisions and analyzing each move before we make it and what if it will not "work out" and maybe we should have done something else. The idea is to just "DO".

I just read a quote by Ray Bradbury (of all people)
which is quite appropriate:

"Make your journey be a joyous one!
Don't think! Thinking is the enemy of creativity
It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is
lousy...
You can't try to do things.
You simply must DO things!"

Very apropos for all of us actually.

I really am still working on quieting my mind but that will still take time but the basic idea is "to do" and "enjoy" without thinking so much. All will always happen for our own personal best interest.

Now...What happened was I have been trying all kinds of techniques and exercises and processes to rid myself of several poisonous memories which have been keeping
me from truly feeling completely forgiving of the past and these memories were still preventing me from fully getting on with my life and with certain
relationships. I felt that none of the things I was doing was helping and again went to sleep last night feeling quite disturbed by the fact that I couldn’t overcome these feelings which always flooded back to me every time I tried working with the past.

One particular memory headed the list always and perhaps is representative of the injustices I felt as a child and I could never seem to see it in any
perspective other than a child being unjustly treated. No matter how I approached it, it just remained the same and hurt me and angered me every time over again.

It is an incident involving an ice cream tart and probably I am the only one who even remembers it, but, I have finally broken free of not only that incident,but every feeling of pain, anger and injustice it represented from my past.

In the early morning hours when we have "those kinds of dreams", a kind of video film of my childhood started to play. But it included feelings, smells, sounds, sights and impressions which placed me in the role of both participant and at the same time neutral
observer of the events and scenes. Places and people and sights and events and memories arose going back to when I was as young as 2 up to about the age of
10-12. So detailed was the "video" that I was actually there once again. I can still feel the
essence of the places and smell the food and hear the traffic noises while I sit here and write!! Most of the places and people I had not thought of in 50 years
if ever, and these came flooding back to me, candy stores, movie theaters, my grandmother(!), dancing school, on and on and on...friends, neighbors, it was unbelievable!! I wish I had some kind of dream video recorder to save it and replay for all of you to see!! But I guess the idea was just for me to BE there just once more and live through it as well - and neutrally observe it in order to finally purge myself.

Now this all sounds clever and nice and I know even while still watching it that it was working to finally get me moving on without the burden of my past...but as I opened my eyes (at first I had to rub them to be sure I was now really awake) a sparrow sat on the string which acts as my closet here and just looked at me...When I opened my eyes, it chirped as if to say "Oh, now you are a "free bird" just like me!!" (sparrow in Hebrew is called a "tzipor dror" meaning a "bird of freedom") and this is truly now how I
feel. I helped the sparrow find his way out of my room (don't know how he got in...was he here all night??) and then had an enormous cry of overwhelming joy and here I am writing!! I feel "light as a bird" inside and cannot truly believe that this happened to
me. Having the bird here to confirm it and physically emphasis the impact of what happened is almost unbelievable. But true!! So...that's if for
today...must truly assimilate what has happened to
me...it is quite amazing!!

Tuesday...October 9th (still in Mcleod)

After reading something by the Dalai Lama now I had an even greater insight into that ice cream tart incident I mentioned yesterday. It says when someone hurts you or angers you...not only to see it from the other persons point of view which is obvious...but to think
what opportunity it gave you to grow or something positive from YOUR point of view. Up until today I had actually not seen anything positive from my point of view in the incident...when all of a sudden it dawned on me...just now...and I burst out laughing...Am still smiling as I write this... I was given the opportunity at a VERY early age to learn
that you "cannot fool Mother!!"..a fact which probably made the next 15 years of my life a lot easier for me (or maybe you CAN fool her but you've got to be very clever and subtle to do it...so I was forced to develop some very useful tools for the rest of my
life!!)

FIRST LESSON FROM 2003 INDIA TRIP-SO RELEVANT TODAY!

I have been working very hard to get my India Journals posted on my other blog, and in doing so, came across a post originally written just 3 years ago, but it is a channeling experience which is so relevant to my life today, I decided to post it here as well for all of you who are not subscribed yet to my India Journal blog to easily see.
If you would like to subscribe to my India Journal Blog and easily follow my past travels, as well as my upcoming trip (I am leaving on October 6th), then you can do so by going to the following link. Jane's India Journals
I have not as yet completed my past journals, and still have many photographs to add to the posts, but it will give you some general idea of what to expect in the future....hope you enjoy, and forgive me for neglecting this blog for now.

August 20th, 2003

Didn't take long to learn...just a little over 3 weeks and one day...

"THEY" have probably been wanting to tell me for ages, but knew it was
something I had to "realize" first on my own before they spoke with me....
and as usual, it is SOOOOOOOO obvious it is embarrassing to think it
took this long to figure it out!

I've already begun caring for myself as I know I must, yoga in the late
afternoon, and beginning my morning with full Reiki, sounds for my soul,
pranayama, yoga, meditation in the morning (missing a hot shower for my
joints but you can't have everything in this life)

So why did I have to be here in Kodai to get back to this? well...this
whole thing just flooded before me in neon light clarity...

WHENEVER there are others around, no matter who they are, my healing,
caring for, "worrying about" energies will ALWAYS go to "the others"
and be depleted before I get to myself.

The lesson, as channeled to me while just finishing writing the previous
post and still sitting in the internet cafe is:

Learn to reserve your energies for yourself as well. STOP denying
your OWN needs when confronted with others in your life. If the next
relationship you will be in (hopefully the final one) is to succeed
(with whomever it may be)... you must first understand that you must
never again "lezalzel" , belittle yourself and your needs...You know
this in your mind and would NEVER allow ANOTHER person to take advantage
of you, to take you for granted and to always place their own needs
above yours. So why do you continue to do it to yourself when in the
presence of the needs of others. You know it brings you to the point
of exhaustion and dysfuntionality (word?) each time both physically,
emotionally and spiritually, and yet you persist. DESIST!...Learn to
be with another, and still be completely with yourself as you must.
Do not automatically “DO” for another first, before you've taken care
of your personal health and spiritual needs. It will do no one any good
in the end. You know that for a fact and yet have not yet managed to put
it into action. It is very easy to put aside the couple of hours you need
a day for Jane, when only Jane is around-the hard part is doing it when
there is someone else in your life needing you. This is the lesson. Learn
it well or you will remain alone for the rest of your life to safeguard
yourself. You will be unable to live in good health, physically or
spiritually for any length of time if you do not care for yourself and
continue your self growth and inner quest...These are things which even
the most loving people cannot do for you and the more you will love,
the more you will "need to do" for this other person. There is enough
time in any day to "do for all" ...stop neglecting YOU in the overwhelming
need of yours to “be there always" for others. Allow another to BE with
you and still BE completely with yourself. This is the lesson. Learn it!
You do not have to BE by yourself to CARE for yourself.

This whole "admonishment"- "nu, nu, nu" part was channeled directly to
me while I was still writing. Realization was my own...THEY could not
just "tell" me this. I first had to realize it...it took an awfully
long time and a trip to India.

Ravin was part of their plan in this as well…

No one before has ever been so aggressively "nudnicky" with me in
the past and succeeded. Quite the opposite-it always puts me off-the
more someone insists, the more I do the opposite-he is definitely a
part of their plan!...

It's always been sooooooo obvious and yet I never saw the pattern
until just now! They have probably been wanting to tell me this for
ages but knew it would be ineffective until the "AHA!" first came
from me.

It's not just needing to "take care of" others. It's always accommodating
needs and wants of others before my own. As I am uncomfortable saying
"not yet-I haven't finished my yoga yet" or whatever...and always prefer
"going along with" rather than confronting even when I don't always
necessarily want what the other wants...I am easy to please...but
don't always please myself...

I have never been able to say "I can do anything you like provided I
have my 1 -1 1/2 hours of alone in the morning and one more hour in
the afternoon as sacred times for me”… with nothing urgent enough to
change that!

So, now that I have learnt that lesson...what else is in store for me....?

Again...time will tell. As always, my thanks for this enlightening
experience and my sincere request for guidance and the wisdom needed
to "activate" this newfound understanding in my daily life and in all
my encounters with others...no matter who they are...friends, relatives,
co-workers, etc.

Time Off for Family...and India Journals

Hi All, Sorry to have deserted you but wasn't sure anyone would notice. It's only since several of you have asked that I'm writing to let you know what's been going on for the past few weeks and why I haven't continued my postings on Reiki. Two of my daughters and their families have relocated, one from the city to the country, another coming back after 3 years of work abroad, and I spent several days with each of them helping them move in and organize their new homes. At the same time, my father is still going through a serious crisis after being, regretably, placed in a permanent nursing care unit. It will take him time to adjust but his complete dependence on others has taken a great toll and it is very difficult to see him, care for him etc. And of course, my Mother has been deeply effected by this as well. They have spent their entire life together as a couple, meeting each other something like 75 years ago and being married for 65 years. And the last 30+ years they have been retired and have spent every single day together just about all the time. The separation for them, beyond the difficult state my father is in, would be enough to create a serious emotional crisis leading to physical symptoms. It is like have part of your body ripped out. But they are both in the same assisted living building, my Mother in her own apartment still, and Father just downstairs, and they are both learning to come to terms with the situation. What the entire past year has created for all of us however, including myself, without our even being aware of it, is a chronic state of stress which has pretty much lasted for about 1 1/2 years actually, and only now have I understand the debilitating effect it has created in my life, on all levels, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. It has been devastating and only this week did I realize to what extent it has effected me. I am now working things through and putting myself "back together" as well...including going to the gym, (in addition to my daily practices of yoga, pranayama, meditation and Reiki) and, finally, working on my India Journals blog. All of the above has taken up my energies, both physically and mentally, and have therefore not posted anything new here all this time. My apologies....but part of the living in the now is living in the now! And doing what is right at each moment...flowing...learning...understanding...creating new ways of dealing and always opening the new doors of opportunity which present themselves to us along the way...no matter how twisted and complicated it may seem sometimes. So, if you are interested in seeing what I've done so far on the India Journals (about 1/2 way finished but no photos yet)...and also a very interesting sum up post of Lesson's Learnt from my travels at the beginning of the blog...you can do so by following this link: Jane's India Journals Hope to get back to my regular blog entries shortly. My love to all Jane

Mindfulness-Living in the Moment

It’s been awhile since I’ve sat down to write…and the truth is, there are so many things I need to put down here in this blog that it has been difficult to know where to begin. So I have simply let time go by, hoping that the inspiration would come. I’ve been going through some difficult, but interesting and rewarding personal experiences the past few weeks which culminated in my being ill this past week, apparently as a final cleansing following certain processes which have been set in motion. While spending time feeling miserable, as we tend to do when we are not feeling well, I realized what should be the next matter of concern on the blog and will begin writing about it today. It may take more than one sitting to get it all done, but I feel the time is right to begin exploring together with you the matter of Mindfulness. Before discussing Mindfulness itself however, just some food for thought which will lead us into a full discussion of the topic… Previously I wrote about the power of forgiveness in helping us get out from under the Shadow of the Past. (See earlier post). Well, let’s say we have figured out how to release the past and its control over our present. That’s great! But now the big question arises…We’ve managed to escape the past, but where are we NOW living…Being? Are we now able to focus on the present, on the day, on each special, precious moment which comes our way and is over instantaneously? Can be catch the wonder and beauty of each second? Can we experience our life as it unfolds in the moment in all its amazing wonder? Or, are we still living in a place which is not NOW! And if we are no longer burdened by the past, then where are we? Truth be told, most of us are probably abandoning the now for the dream of what will be in the future. Always longing for the time when…always planning for the time we will be able to…always looking for the opportunity which will allow us to…We dwell on things that happened in the past or anticipate future events. But we almost never experience the moment itself. It is for this reason that we often find our lives boring and meaningless. This sense of meaningless does not come from our lives, but from the quality of awareness with which we live our lives. And where does that leave us today? Craving, discontented, unfulfilled, lonely, jealous and completely unaware of, and unable to experience the joy of each moment. Waiting to finish school, waiting to get out of the army, finally going on our travels but then thinking all the time about what we have to do when the trip is over, waiting to find that special someone, waiting for the baby to sit up, to walk, to say his first word, waiting for the kids to leave home, waiting to retire….and before you know it, life is over and we are still waiting for…what? And what happened to all those precious moments in between? How many of them do we remember? How often did we savor the delicious moment? How often did we look at the sky, at the grass, feel the breeze, notice the insects, examine a flower, see the animal tracks on the path, feel the hand of our lover or our child, REALLY listen to someone talking or to the sounds of Nature, hear the hum of the electric appliance running in our house (!)…notice the silence when there is an electricity cut. How often do we actually HEAR, pay attention to, enjoy the music we are listening to? How often to we see the smile, or sadness on our childrens’ faces, pay full attention to their stories when they come home from school…How often do we really fully experience the moment? Mindfulness is a concept in Buddhism, but is something which all of us can benefit from understanding. In Buddhist terms “Mind” is defined as awareness of objects or events, rather than “mental factors”, which contain the content of thoughts etc. And from this definition of “mind” comes the simple yet amazingly powerful concept of “mindfulness”. Mindfulness is being completely and totally aware of everything you are doing as you are doing it. From simple everyday things such as brushing your teeth in the morning, to driving to work, to sitting at the computer and writing this post. (I make it a point to notice everything that I feel, see, touch, sense at each moment. The breeze from the open window to my right, the hum of the computer, the feel of the hard plastic on my finger tips as I touch type, the growl of my stomach as I put off eating just to get a drop more of this written, the tenseness in my shoulders (which I instantly relax to avoid pain later in the evening), the birds singing outside the window as dusk begins, etc) It means living in the now, savoring every moment, as the moment is ALL we truly have. Just a couple of examples, one from my own personal experience…I remember my walks in the mountains which I usually did alone, and did not truly appreciate the pleasure of these walks until I started walking with other people. It seemed that everyone who went walking, was walking in order to get somewhere! The walking was goal orientated and they didn’t begin to experience the day until they “got” where they were “going”. I found this all very upsetting, as they walked at a brisk pace, totally unaware of their surroundings, talking about inconsequential things, never once experiencing the walk itself. It was only after several walks like this that I began to understand the beauty of my isolated walks…I would sometimes walk fast, but mostly just move with the flow of the surroundings. I would look around, hear my footsteps and the noises of the forest, notice the color of the undergrowth, hear the far away ripple of a brook, see the sun shining through the trees…as a matter of fact, I will post right after this a Journal entry I wrote describing one of these walks…which in itself becomes a kind of Mindfulness Meditation. An exercise in BEING in the NOW! You can skip over the following Journal Entry and go on to further discussion of Mindfulness and the example of washing dishes and come back to reading this later, or read it now to get a better feeling for what I am trying to describe and then continue on with the rest of the post. Just walked up TIPA road to Dharamkot after not taking that road in about 2 weeks. And it's as if I am walking someplace for the first time. Seems familiar but no place I've actually been this trip No more whizzing rickshaws to jump aside from or taxi's rushing up blowing their horns. And only 2 other people were seen the whole way up. As a matter of fact, the only human sound accompanying me the whole way up was the occasional scrape of my hiking boots on the road or the soft rustling of my jeans as my legs brushed against each other. And so the forest came alive! At one place there was a tree standing alone with 18(!) ravens on it just enjoying their perches in the sun and "chatting" quietly with each other. None of their usual shouting and squawking to disturb the peace of the day. It's as if the change has relaxed them as well. Further up a little hollow in the wood filled with layers of flitting butterflies. Also seeming to have been invited as well to enjoy the peace of the forest. And the foliage has all become richer and greener and more luxuriant. The fronds on the ferns are enormous with brown stems running through their centers. Some as large as huge banana leaves. And the mosses have spread to cover enormous spaces that used to be just dark damp earth. One kind had little "leaves" in the shape of stars with miniscule white pointed "flowers" almost like sitting atop the "leaves". The cicadas no longer competing with the vehicles or human voices are heard in full force. And many different kinds of bird calls can be heard from the trees. The sun is gloriously warm and blessedly obscured from time to time by the shade of the forest. Making the walk the perfect combination of cold crispness and warmth. As I approached Dharamkot, even the lilting voices of the school children seemed almost in an intrusion. A few sparse lower branches seem connected by enormous spider webs. One lone butterfly disappearing inside a clump of low lying rhododendron. A few lonely rays of sunshine manage to beam their way through the thickness of the 20-30 meter high pines to rest on the forest floor which is a combination of pine needles, low greenery, rocks and moss covered earth. Surrounded completely on all sides by total silence, except for the ever present cicadas and distant call of ravens and the occasional magpie. I feel embraced not only by the splendor of the trees all around me, but my Mother Nature herself! The trees soar upwards like needles topped with triangles of green pointed at the sun as if striving to reach the heights of heaven itself. And I sit insignificantly here but knowing that I am just as much at home here as the trees!

I am adding a video here taken this year (2007) while once again in my beloved mountains with my new digital camera...it will give you a further feeling for what I am referring to in the above...

The Above is one of the reasons I so miss being in India, as I have been 3 times in the past 5 years just at this time of the year. It does something to my soul...seems to awaking things which, try as I may, usually find hard to arouse when taking a walk anywhere here at home. Although today (this written about year later after taking a walk in the middle of Raanana) I DID have a very pleasant walk, with much mindfulness of my surroundings which actually brought tears to my eyes, allowing me to feel for a short few minutes the intensity of being in the moment that I feel so much more in the mountains in India. Now back to the very famous example of simple every day Mindfulness presented by the Vietnamese Zen Master, Thich Nhat Hanh who writes about the benefits of washing dishes to wash dishes. This is a very important point because normally we wash dishes in order to have clean dishes. Whenever we do anything, we do it to get a result. We write a letter in order to produce a letter which we can then send; we are washing dishes not to wash dishes, but so we can have clean dishes and go on to the next task. As we wash the dishes we are thinking about what we will do next, how e will have a cup of coffee, what somebody said to us this morning, what TV program we watched last night, what our kid is doing, what our husband said to us before he went to work. The last thing we have on our mind is the dishes. Then when we come to drink the coffee, we are thinking that after that we have to go shopping and what we are going to buy…or we might even go OUT for coffee with a friend but then we are talking to each other (perhaps even listening to the other person talking), but not really being there with the cup of coffee and its wonderful aroma and taste. Our entire lives pass in this way. Even when we are doing something nice, like eating a delicious meal, we are thinking about dessert. We never even truly enjoy the good things. Tenzin Palmo (the first Western woman to be ordained as a Buddhist nun in the Tibetan tradition*) speaks about this in her teachings and books as well…” I like Tirimisu very much with coffee and lots of cream-totally degenerate, but I love it. So when I eat tiramisu, it is a very pleasurable thing. At the first mouthful, I’m completely with the Tirimisu. But by the second mouthful, I am comparing it with a Tirimisu I had somewhere else which was my idea of the perfect Tirimisu, and I’ve lost this one. For the rest of the mouthfuls, I’m not really eating it anymore. It’s eating itself. I’m already somewhere else, with former glorious Tirimusus which this one should have been but isn’t. We do this every day, not only with what we think of as unpleasant things like washing the dishes, but also with pleasant things. We’re not there. We don’t experience it.” Back to Thich Nhat Hanh who asks “Why not wash dishes just to wash dishes?” We get clean dishes anyway! But it means that while we are washing the dishes, we are completely with it. There is no action in the world more important at that moment than washing the dishes because that is what we are doing. Everything else is just our thoughts. But the thing happening in the moment is the actual reality and, therefore, the most important thing. If we miss it now, we miss it forever, because we can never get that “now” time back once it has passed. So let’s try to wash the dishes and just know we are washing the dishes. It’s not a big deal. We are conscious that we are standing at the sink. Now the hand is picking up a dish. We can feel the water. We can feel the soap suds. We are conscious of what we are washing. We are completely attentive to what is happening in that moment. In this way we become centered in the moment, and that moment is all we ever really have. Our whole life is made up of moment after moment after moment. If we miss these moments through thinking about something else, they are gone forever. If you try this, you will discover that it is extraordinarily difficult. It sounds very easy, but after the first minute the mind is already either thinking, “oh, this is easy, very easy to be mindful..I can be mindful anytime….” And where are you? You’re not with the dishes, you are thinking ABOUT the dishes. Or you may be thinking “Hmmm…where did I get this dish? Ah yes…it was part of a set…where is the rest of the set…?” etc. It is very difficult to remember to be present. It’s easy to be present once we remember. But if we can do that, if we can bring this quality into our daily lives as often as possible, even for a couple of minutes each time, we will open up whole new vistas of awareness. Each moment will bring new understanding and pleasure to us, and we will truly begin to understand the wonders of each moment, of BEING in the present, which is all we truly have. In a future post I will write about Mindfulness Meditation**, which takes the above exercise one step further, but for now, even washing the dishes, or walking to the supermarket, or working on the computer, can be a form of meditation if it is done with mindfulness and if we remain completely in the moment. Remember: We have nothing if we don’t cherish and enjoy each moment. Live as if we may die tomorrow-make the most of each day. Enjoy the beauty of every minute. Live with youthful enthusiasm for each thing that comes our way. Experience things with all our senses as they happen. Be Mindful. BE…LIVE… * Recommended reading either about or by this amazing English born woman- who lived for 12 years in a cave in the Himalayas and has become a living legend: “Cave in the Snow” by Vicki Mackenzie; “Reflections on a Mountain Lake” by Tenzin Palmo. You can also check our the website of the nunnery she founded and find more interesting information: http://tenzinpalmo.com/ I met her on my last trip to India at the nunnery and will post a journal entry about that visit at a later date. If you are interested in hearing more about her, you can comment here and I will get back to you. **Good first book on the topic: “Mindfulness Meditation for Everyday” by Jon Kabat-Zinn