Jane's Mindfulness Journal


Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Insights and Empowering Experiences, God and Nature

And yet one more profound journal entry which I must share with those of you who do not follow my India Journals....

Today is October 5th, 2001 but yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me...I wrote a very long letter which first of all thanked all of you who took the time and energy to either call or write to me during the last few really rough days here...I love you and really appreciate your efforts. But I also wrote many deep "inside" thoughts and wrote and wrote and wrote and when I tried sending it, the whole thing disappeared...this has never happened to be before...I always do copy before I send and so if something happens the letter is still there..but thistime, someone else's letter came up on the screen...really weird.

So I wrote again, not quite so in depth and still refused to be sent...so I came to the conclusion that those thoughts were not meant to be put down on paper, but rather savored within and staying within just for me to experience.

I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. From feeling guilty about feeling happy – to exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and that is the beautiful part about living it to the fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us through.

Perhaps this inner awakening occurred simultaneously in me precisely on the same day as hearing about the terrorist attack on my daughter’s house almost as the Universe’s way of getting me through the last couple of days OR - as a RESULT of my getting through the last couple of days!! Don't know which! Whichever-it has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me and I will never be the same as I was.

No matter what I do when I get back to "normal"-normal will never be the same for me as it was just 2 months ago.

The revelations of my childhood memories during my first long walk made me realize that many things we believe about ourselves and allow life's experiences to reinforce for us over the years with our owninterpretations, we are erroneously basing on false perceptions of ourselves as children and adults. This creates modes of behavior and beliefs which stifle our very physical being for as much as 1/2 a century of our lives!!

To be finally released from these beliefs-to dispel a myth about myself and who I have always believed myself to be-is like being released from the shackles of a certain type of bondage and being freed to discover and develop all the wondrous things just waiting inside!

That a walk in nature can do this to a person is again proof of what I wrote awhile ago...the green of nature is God's way of showing his love for all creatures on earth and it is there, surrounded by his love that we can truly find our selves and achieve a true feeling of LOVE for ourselves.

I don't remember a time in my life when I felt so invigorated and alive. And not just physically...all my senses were totally involved in the experience bringing me into my most inner being as well asfilling an expansiveness of my aura itself with amazing energies, tingling through me and expanding outward to join with the trees and mountains etc.

These days, spending time with others is almost an intrusion... This precious gift of being with ME is a blessing and it will be over in just a few days. I will have a different kind of experience traveling now with someone else which I'm sure will be no less important and revealing to me.

I am just sad that this beautiful period of isolation by choice is coming to an end. I feel as if I could live for months like this and not get tired of it. There are always people here if I want them, but being by myself has thedistinct advantage of allowing me to NOT speak with or see anyone by choice without insulting any one or feeling bad about going off by myself. And no explanation is ever required! It is a true luxury.

Tomorrow I have agreed to try a real trek with Darya up into the mountain...3-4 hours up the mountain but with tea houses all along the way...she understands that if I feel it is too much, we just come back down without getting as far as the waterfalls which are allthe way up there some place. This will be an additional "test" for me and I am really looking forward to it excitedly...alot of the walking is in the forest so I hopefully will not have trouble withthe heat, and we are both taking lots of snacks along so I guess it will be OK.

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