An Angel Returns Home

ABDELLAH IN PARIS - MARCH 2006

This is for me the beginning of a personal effort to recapture and understand the rhyme and reason, insight and lesson, and even beauty associated with what would appear to be a single event but which is really the culmination of a long series of synchronicities which lead up to, and even followed the event itself.

So, where to I begin? Well, those of you who have been following my blogs know of my wonderful friend Abdellah and our very special relationship, which included not only the lovely times we spent together in India, but even a 9 day visit I made to Paris to spend time with him in March of 2006. You can read a short account in the blog posts: http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com/#114495322641587364

Abdellah is the only person I ever knew who truly and literally lived each day as it if was his last…truly lived in the moment.

The only meaning money had for him was as a means to bring happiness into the lives of people (not just “others”, himself as well, as he was a person who truly loved and respected himself).

NADDI


He lived each and every day fully, and worrying about “having enough for the future” was a completely alien concept to him. He was my living lesson in non-attachment.


BHAGSU WATERFALL CAFE 2003

Abdellah’s quest during the short few years I knew him, was to get closer to God. This was his reason for pursuing the different philosophies he pursued, such as Kriya Yoga. He was looking for the best way to connect to Him. Well, he is now where he always wanted to be. With God - and I am happy for him as I know he is at peace and content. He was just an angel here on Earth waiting to get back home.

A PUJA AT BHAGSU WATERFALL


And the lessons I learnt from him, I was able to put into action in my own life by using money “I did not have” and “could not afford to use” – to bring joy and happiness in a surprising way, into the life of another person. And this small act snowballed and the effects of my one small action continued to bring further happiness to others as well.

The lessons I learnt from Abdellah, the days filled with joy and laughter we spent together, the deeper meaning of living life to the fullest which I was permeated with every time I spoke to him, the smiles of joy on the faces of all those who knew him every time his name was mentioned, are all things which will remain with me forever.

He will always be with me. Abdellah was a practicing Buddhist, and I just have to maneuver my way over a bunch of ants so as not to step on them, or watch a mosquito fly by without "clapping" it between my hands (I did that once instinctively when Abdellah was with me (!)...I have NEVER done it again!), and I think of him. [Abdellah's Mother is Muslim, and his step-father, who he grew up with, is Jewish (he has relatives in Israel), and one of his favorite foods is kneidlach, which I happily made for him with chicken soup one evening in McLeodganj. I also taught him how to make challah when I was in Paris with him. ] I just have to think of sausissons which he introduced me to at Kailwood in 2004, and I am in food heaven. The wonderful meals we shopped for, cooked and ate together, the movies we watched with his wonderful insights - he studied film in university in the States - the insights into Buddhist philosophy I received from him, but more important, in daily living...all these things keep him alive within me. Showing true loving-kindness, compassion and goodwill to all - not an easy thing to do ALL the time, was something that he could never NOT do. It was simply part of his essence. A living lesson in truly loving and respecting all living creatures, including himself. Like the wonderful plans he had drawn up for his new home in India, originally planned at the farmhouse in Kangra but later moved to an area near Palampur that his friend the Banker in Dharamsala was helping him with. A beautifully planned home, lavishly furnished with the best of everything including giant full wall size plasma TV screen.







AT KOKILA'S FARMHOUSE IN KANGRA WHERE HE WAS ORIGINALLY PLANNING TO BUILD A HOUSE

Well, let’s start with the fact that the last time I saw Abdellah was when he left Dharamsala to go back to Delhi and home to Paris, last year sometime in May 2007 if I am not mistaken. We had spent several really fun days together as usual, but his time in Dharamsala was short and we didn’t have the intense type of visit we usually do in India, where we spend extended periods of time together. So when I decided to go back to India in February 2008, we knew we would be meeting up for 2 weeks the beginning of March before he flew back to Paris after his several months studying Yoga in Mysore. He would come up to Rishikesh, and it would have been his first visit to Rishikesh and I knew he would love it, and was excited about seeing him.

I wrote to him from home to confirm the visit, but when he didn’t reply I didn’t think twice about it, as this was part of who he was and I never was disturbed by his lack of response to my e-mails. I always knew he read them all from the conversations we would have afterwards when we met. He just hated writing. He would prefer to call me by phone, which he did every couple of months, usually calling on a Friday night and saying “Shabbat Shalom” and throwing me off balance for a few seconds before I realized it was him calling.

I then wrote again when I arrived, and again as the beginning of March got closer, but still received no response. Someplace deep down inside I felt a twinge of worry, but ignored it, thinking that he perhaps had changed his plans, and would certainly be in touch with me when he was able to. And then the beginning of March came and went and no word. I even met our mutual friend Nikolai in Rishikesh and asked about Abdellah. He also said he had been strangely silent for a long time…even for him.

ABDELLAH AND NIKOLAI AT KAILWOOD IN MCLEODGANJ - 2004

But he also agreed with me that there was no reason for worry as this was typical behavior for him…Abdellah was my big lesson in true non-attachment, and I tended to agree with Nikolai, but something still didn’t seem right to me. But I brushed it aside. I would be home in Israel soon (it was a short trip to India) and if I hadn’t heard from him by then, would call him, or call a friend of his in Paris, which was the only other way I had of contacting him. And I continued with the short remaining time I had in Rishikesh, disappointed with not having seen Abdellah, but figuring there was a good reason for him not being there with me. I was after all, enjoying the company of Ben tremendously, as well as my healing meetings with Dudi, and was being kept quite busy and happy as well.

When I arrived home, still not having heard from Abdellah, I went to call his friend in Paris several times, but something always “got in the way” of the phone call. It just seemed to be something which would not happen. And then one day, I forwarded an e-mail to a group of friends, and when doing this, Abdellah’s name would always appear in the ”TO” window as he was alphabetically first on my list. The rest would be BCC , but anyone who opened the mail could see I had sent it to Abdellah. One of the recipients was Nikolai, and he sent me an e-mail simply saying “do you know-just in case- that Abdellah passed away about a month ago?”

Well, first of all it is not an easy thing to write and I certainly don’t envy Nikolai for being the one to write it to me, and second of all, what do you do when you read something like that? You go into shock and denial at first, I can tell you, and then you begin to feel guilty about not knowing about it sooner (but how could you?), and then you begin to think “Why didn’t I call sooner” (but what good would that have done), and then you burst out in tears, and then uncontrollable sobs, and you need to sit down, you need to speak to someone, you need to understand, you need to comprehend what you just read, and you cry and cry and cry until everything hurts and there are no more tears…and then you begin to cry again. And finally, you can breath once again and you begin to realize the impact of that simple sentence. You will never see Abdellah again…not in India, not in Paris, not anywhere. He will never call again and surprise you with a “Shabbat Shalom”. He will never come up behind you on the street , say “How YOU doin’ my friend” and when you turn around, see his amazing smile in front of you. You will never cook another meal together with him,


KITCHERI IN MY ROOM AT KAILWOOD - 2003

drink coffee with him, go shopping with him (shop until you drop style) again, never watch another movie with him again, never have him watch you dance folkdancing in the guesthouse room, never listen to music again with him, never just sit and talk with him or travel with him, or laugh with him, never go to Udeechi Huts in Naddi for fried chicken with him, never, never, and more never!

UDEECHI HUTS IN NADDI 2004


And then I began to do my best to put together a story of how this all happened. Being in touch with other mutual friends I was able to put together the sad story of his illness and surprising death. I will not detail it here, as there is no reason to do so, but will simply say that he contracted pneumonia in Mysore, and by the time he was flown home to Paris by his insurance company, quite some time later by the way, the virus had done too much damage and he was unable to recover. He was 47 years old. I further checked with them and his family, found out some precise dates of events etc., read stories many people had written about him, collected pictures etc.

I refuse to dwell on the “what if” questions etc., as there is simply no point in it, and prefer to put together for you a series of small synchronicities surrounding my arrival in India in February, my stay there, some unusual things that I realized through hindsight which show the interconnectiveness of our souls even after his death. I can truly tell you that I “see” Abdellah more now than I did when he was alive…he is with me very often. Watching me at folkdancing, attending a recent silent retreat with me, and during one of the meditations sat next to me, and in his typical fashion of never taking anything in life too seriously, said to me “Well, I see someone has finally got you to shut up!” (He very often commented that I talked too much!). He is actually sitting with me now and has already made a couple of comments about what I am writing. I wear a bracelet he once bought for me (by surprise…sending it to me by mail after I had already left India…after I had admired it in a jewelry store where we were shopping together for presents for his family members)…and I can feel him physically with me. His presence is powerful and loving and gentle and brings me great happiness…whenever I am feeling down, he comes around and brings a big smile to my face. I can truly say that I do not miss him , as I very rarely saw him anyway. When I return to India in a couple of months, I’m sure it will be difficult, but I am also sure that he will be there with me as well, just as he is now.

So now, just a small list of those things discovered in retrospect, bringing things more into focus and understanding.

I arrived in India actually quite ill, having fallen sick at home several days prior to my flight. Upon my arrival in Rishikesh, I actually began running a very high fever, which is very unusual for me, I rarely, if ever, have even a low fever when I am ill. After two days the guesthouse people took me to a doctor as they were quite worried about my condition, and he said there is extremely serious congestion in my lungs and he suspects pneumonia. He was an ayurveda doctor and gave me certain herbal medicines to take, but also recommended 3 days of antibiotics due to the extreme severity of my condition. I was quite surprised as I don’t usually get this ill. This was around the 14th of February. Later on, checking back on my blog, I realized that the first day I felt well enough to leave my room, or the small area near it in the guesthouse, was on February 22nd. This was the first day when, all of a sudden, all of the symptoms I had been feeling, completely disappeared, as if I had never been sick.
A couple of days after that, I met Ben and one of the first things he brought me to read was a booklet called “Do Not Grieve” which he had picked up at a local ashram in town. At the time, I simply read it and found many interesting ideas regarding life in general, and graceful acceptance of all that happens etc., without ever thinking that I would actually need it for true grieving. But there is was…in my room….
another thing which happened to me and is also documented in a blog post is a feeling of sudden and deep sadness for no reason which overcame me, and brought me to tears which could not be stopped. I had to leave the company of friends and run up to my room. It lasted for a few days and only when I did a full energy cleansing of my room did I begin to feel better and start sleeping again at night. I tried finding a reason for the sadness, but simply could not….everything was just beautiful in my life at the moment. It is something that came from a deep deep place within…only afterward I understood what it was and what had caused it to service.
Upon returning home to Israel, I began my Reiki Sharing group and at the first meeting, one of the people working on me said she felt a deep, profound sadness within me, so intense that it was difficult for HER to bear. I again said I could think of no reason for such sadness to be sensed as I was in an extremely tranquil and harmonious time in my life and all seemed to be going really well for me.

Once I found out the dates connected to Abdellah’s illness, his death, his memorial services etc., I went back and checked the above things by date as well. I was SO intensely ill just at the same time that Abdellah was at the most critical part of his own illness with pneumonia. The day he passed away, and no longer felt the suffering from the symptoms, was February 22nd! The same day I first was able leave my room, feeling complete relief from symptoms as well.
The booklet “Do Not Grieve” came in very handy the first day I heard the news at home as it helped me to put things into perspective and come to terms with what had happened.
The day of the Reiki Sharing Group turned out to be the same day that a Memorial Service was held for Abdellah in the States, and again the sadness was felt by me. And the sadness I felt in India, well, my soul KNEW what had happened…it just had no way of communicating it to me on an intellectual level, so even not knowing, I also KNEW, and the sadness already enveloped me.

And of course Abdellah continues to do things for others even though he is no longer here with us physically. The lessons I learnt from him, and continue to absorb, lead me to understand that someone near and dear needed immediate help, and that even though everything common sense told me said I could not help them, Abdellah said I could and should, and so I did, and wonderful things have happened to an entire family through that help but with thanks to him.

I will end this post with my thanks to God and the Universe for bringing Abdellah into my life, and to Abdellah himself for all the wonderful days he spent with me, and for the lovely moments he still spends with me to this day.

Goodbye My Friend!

WRITING – From the Heart or From the Head

The following is posted on my India Blog as well, but felt it needed to find its way to this blog also. There is a more intense and thought-provoking post in the process dealing with Fear and Faith, but it is not yet ready for posting...perhaps it will be before I leave India...and then again, perhaps not!

I’ve come to an interesting understanding… My blog posts this trip have been fairly dull and uninteresting and whenever I sat down at the computer to write about my day, there was no true desire to write at all. So I simply put down the basic facts of the day’s experience and left it at that. The “heart” of my experience literally never got put down “on paper”. And that was the problem.

I am now sitting in a coffee shop along the Ganga, feeling the energies, absorbing the atmosphere, and, with pen in hand, FEELING the words for the first time this trip. I cannot go back and “fix” what has already been posted, but I would like to believe that the rest of the trip will, as in the past, first find its way through my heart and hand via pen, to paper, and then later simply be transcribed to the computer. The full range of feelings and insights can only be felt in this way it seems.

I truly have had an amazing journey here. So many things have happened in so short a time, that I honestly do not feel the need to be here longer than the originally planned 7 weeks ( which end in 2 weeks!). Everything I could have dreamt of and imagined to make this short time perfect, whole and complete, has happened. Healing on deep levels, great joy and laughter, unexpected surprises on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – all coming together in perfect harmony to bring full and profound meaning to this trip.

I have been blessed with all those people (angels) necessary to initiate and facilitate different processes whose end results are complete tranquility, harmony and balance. A feeling of wellbeing on all levels which I haven’t experienced in a long time, and was in desperate need of.

There have been those who have been guided to me to find answers to their own issues through the Divine guidance I am always offered. And there have been those sent to ME to help ME move forward in healing issues which have plagued me for too long. Issues which I have been asking for help with for a long time.

I now sit overlooking the Ganga, with a feeling of deep contentment, knowing that once again I have journeyed inward through Divine Grace and discovered further unexplored territories and landscapes in the depth of my heart and soul.

I look forward to returning to the “real” world and continuing my journey, knowing that I have all the faith necessary to fearlessly continue to travel the new paths opened before me. I am surrounded always with loving protection and guidance from God and His Universe, my Guides, and the angels.

I amy be writing further posts…but I doubt there is any way to truly put into words the full depth and range of feelings and insights I have experienced over the past short month.

INSIGHT: It is interesting that this first “writing” comes in the wake, and seemingly as another result of, the healing in the form of past-life regression and Tikun (fixing) I experienced 2 days ago. It fits into the pattern…my meditations are deeper and more tranquil of mind, my yoga asanas are easier with a newfound flexibility of joint and muscle, my quiet, still poses, are effortless and can be held indefinitely without loosing my balance, my pranayama (breathing exercises) are much deeper and exhilarating, so ti makes sense that as a result of this deep cleansing, unblocking and release of accumulated “toxins” from the past, my words would also begin to flow as well!

HAVE TO! MUST DO! TIME OUT!

To all those who have been wondering where I’ve disappeared to, and to those of you who know I am in India “recharging”…but still perhaps wondering why I haven’t posted anything lately…well, let me clear things up.

For the last couple of months before leaving for India, I had many insights for posts for this blog having to do with the question of “fear vs. faith”, taking our blessings for granted, additional Reiki stories etc…but never seemed to be able to find the energies to sit down at the computer. But I figured I’d have plenty of time in India and so did not feel pressured.
But since I’ve gotten here, I have done NONE of things I imagined I would (but this is generally what happens in India…things just “happen”…generally quite differently than you imagined…and you flow with them…it’s the beauty of being here).

But NOT doing these things I felt I “had to”, was really getting me down, and feeling guilty, and not pleased with myself. Thinking what my subscribers must be thinking of me, thinking how I am letting people down etc. And yet I still could not get to “doing”…so I asked for guidance, as I very often do. Yesterday,I bought a couple of new decks of cards as you might know if you read my other blog, and last night, before going to sleep, after consecrating and preparing the decks, I decided to try my new “Messages from your Angels” deck.

The first card that came up had the following message which has completely released me from guilt and the “must do” feeling…I will cherish each day of the last few weeks I have here and , as always, am blessed in many ways to be so lovingly guided at each step along the way

“Time out! You’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else’s needs, but now it’s time to stop and take care of yourself”

and the continuing message reads:
“Dear one, you’ve been working very hard! You’re very tired now, yet you keep pushing yourself to work more, more, more! I am here to firmly and lovingly take your hand, and tell you to “stop!” Cease working for a moment and take a respite. You have certainly earned it, and you will be more efficient and productive after taking this rest.

You give so much to others that at times like this you become unbalanced. Your inner child yearns for nurturing, and no one is going to give you that loving care but yourself and the angels. So, give yourself permission to take a much-needed time-out. Please don’t delay this guidance. We assure you that your responsibilities will all be met, and you will gather new energy and ideas during your time-out. “

So, the message is absolutely clear, and I WILL listen carefully to it and devote the rest of my time here ENTIRELY to me.

Love and light to all
Jane

Just for Today I Will Love and Respect Every Living Creature

…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself…leviticus 19:18

If we look at this, as it is worded in the fourth of the Reiki Principles, it appears to be fairly straightforward. It is pretty obvious to us that one of the most important things in this world is to love and respect others, show compassion and tolerance, patience and understanding etc. We also know that we must be kind to EVERY living being and this would of course include animals, insects, plants etc., etc.

The original wording of the principle as stated by Dr. Usui is slightly different, but the message is more easily understood with the above paraphrase which I prefer using in my Reiki classes and in my own daily meditation practice.

And the profoundness of the principle, if we truly think about it, opens the door to an entirely new way of perceiving the ups and downs of our lives, of relating to instances where we feel we have been wronged by someone, or taken advantage of, even purposely hurt or embarrassed, or injured in any way. Of relating to the different people who come into our lives and the way we accept and embrace all that is sent our way by God and the Universe.

In addition, if we add just two small words to the above principle, it changes the impact and intent even more deeply. Just for Today I will Love and Respect Every Living Creature…INCLUDING MYSELF!! If we do not truly love ourselves, how can we possibly love and respect our neighbor??

I will try and give insights into the following two questions we must try to answer:

1. Can we truly love and respect others if we don’t do the same for ourselves
2. Can we truly be expected to love and respect EVERYone??


Before going any further into the idea of loving even those who we perceive as causing us pain or wishing us ill, let us, just for a moment, think about our relationship with ourselves.

Do you love yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you take yourself for granted? Do you put yourself down? Do you say unkind things about yourself ? Just for the next week, in addition to saying this principle each day with your daily prayers, meditation or whatever your regular practice is, try delving a little deeper into it. Pay attention during the day to the thoughts that you have regarding the things you do. Check the impulse to criticize yourself, or be compassionate with yourself. Note how you feel when you make a wrong decision, or get lost on the highway, or break a dish you are washing, or burn the supper, or simply forget to do something important. What feelings do you have, what words fill your head at the moment (stupid, clumsy, thoughtless, lazy). What sensations do you feel physically in your body? Where? Are you automatically hard on yourself, or, perhaps, compassionate and understanding.

Think about this for a week, and I think you will be quite surprised at what you find. Many of us cannot even say out loud “I love myself”, “I think I am great”, “I am perfect just as I am”, etc., but even those of us who CAN say these things and truly mean them, are still too often overly critical of ourselves.

I would even think to perhaps state the principle in a little different way. Instead of “Just for today I will love and respect every living creature…(including myself)”…How about: “Just for today I will love and respect myself in the same way I imagine I love and respect every other living creature” . Said in that way, it might make it easier for us to realize how much more compassionate we can be with others, how much more tolerant and understanding, how much more patient and loving, than we tend to be with ourselves.

Like a caring mother
Holding and guarding the life
Of her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Hold yourself…. And all beings

…Buddha

“We might quite readily offer such care to others, but we can learn to offer this same kind of gentle attention to ourselves. With the tenderness we might bring to stroking the cheek of a sleeping child, we can softly place a hand on our own cheek or heart. We can comfort ourselves with words of kindness and understanding. “ Radical Acceptance”, Tara Brach, PhD.

For once again, if we do not GENUINELY love and respect ourselves, our pretense at loving and respecting every living creature is just that…pretense… Self love is the first step in truly loving our fellow creatures. And when we love and respect ourselves, everything and anything that happens to us, can be dealt with in a healthy way.

Only when we come to terms with our own shortcomings and learn to accept ourselves exactly as we are, to extend unconditional love to the beautiful person we are, to be compassionate with ourselves even when we are not all we expected of ourselves, to love and respect ourselves and recognize the beauty of our soul within…to feel worthy and deserving and freely offer praise and genuine respect to ourselves…only when we cherish our own being, no matter where we may find ourselves at a particular moment, or stage in our lives, only when we offer ourselves encouragement and love at each step along the way and appreciate our accomplishments-no matter how small, only when we stop taking ourselves and our own needs and wants for granted and understand that we are just as worthy and deserving as everyone else…only when we truly love and respect ourselves can we begin to truly love the next person.

Many people will say “I don’t expect anything from the next person (my children, my spouse, my co-workers, etc.) that I don’t expect from myself.” Well, perhaps we are much too hard on ourselves! Others find it easy to extend loving-kindness, compassion, patience, tolerance, understanding, forgiveness and encouragement to others, while they dole out to themselves judgment, blame, anger, belittling words, harsh accusations, lack of forgiveness, etc.

But it is only when we can find the way to love ourselves unconditionally that we can truly understand the words:

…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself…leviticus 19:18

The idea has obviously been around for a long time and is not a new concept developed by Dr. Usui… The Great Hebrew Sage Rabbi Akiva said “This is the most important point in the Torah…the rest is just commentary”.

The idea of loving the next person as we love ourselves becomes very easy as we simply extend the same gracious and loving attention to everyone that we do to ourselves.

And that will bring us to the second part of this discussion…loving and respecting EVERY living creature:

Let us look at this idea of loving and respecting EVERYone …. This would seem almost impossible when we think of some of the strange, difficult, inconsiderate, spiteful and even abusive people who we meet in our lifetime. But there is a profound lesson in extending understanding, forgiveness (see the post re: Forgiveness ) , compassion , patience and tolerance to those who truly wish us ill. It brings us once again in contact with the idea of FAITH…faith that God is sending these people into our lives for a loving purpose…no matter how difficult that may be for us to see.

We must learn to Cherish those we dislike, even those we perceive as enemies, for they are gifts from God and we must be thankful for this blessing and pray for the wisdom to learn the lesson these people have been sent to teach us

We draw to us those who will help us learn about ourselves. Each time we are presented with a challenge dealing with another, we are really being presented with an opportunity to look inside ourselves to see what about us it is that needs working on, so that we may grow.

The idea of loving each and every person, no matter what, is quite difficult, almost impossible, but I present the idea to you for further thought and consideration, together with the following collection of quotes and insights, and perhaps your comments will lead to further discussion which will benefit us all:

Every person sent to us is a blessing meant to teach us a lesson we need to learn.

In the practice of tolerance, one's enemy is the best teacher.

Dalai Lama

Everything that irritates us about others

Can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Carl Jung (1875-1961), Psychologist ~

I have learned silence from the talkative,

tolerance from the intolerant

and kindness from the unkind.

I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.

Kahlil Gibran

What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue,we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us.~ Simon Peter Fuller (from 'Rising Out of Chaos') ~

No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) ~

Nothing can hurt you unless you give it the power to do so.

~ A Course in Miracles ~~

The main teachers of patience are our enemies."
Dalai Lama

and with this I wish you all much love and compassion, patience and tolerance, and freedom from fear to accept and embrace all that is sent your way by God and His Loving Universe.

Jane

Life’s Detours, Their Blessings and Lessons

My life has taken a detour, again (what we perceive as a detour in our journey, is only OUR understanding of the turn of events. Truth is, things are unfolding exactly as they should and all things occur as they are meant to at the moment in the Universal plan of things)…and has, at the same time, given me the opportunity for further growth through new lessons learnt. When one is forced to take a detour on a planned journey, it does not mean that he cannot enjoy the scenery on the new route. Perhaps pleasant scenery is not part of this detour for me, but certainly blessings to be found and lessons to be learnt are.

And as such, this blog will once again take a detour away from the planned in depth discussion of the Reiki principles until this current period comes to an end. You can however see a very short personal look at how this period is challenging me and my personal daily work with the Reiki principles in the next short post.

I am, at the moment, NOT in India as planned. As things worked out, two days before my scheduled flight, I cancelled my plans.

I had every intention of going to India to revive my spirit, recharge my batteries so to speak and gather new and fresh energies to help me continue caring for my ailing father, and give support to my Mother at this most difficult of times in her life.

However, the situation being what it is, I simply could not have achieved any of these goals in India due to the deterioration in my father’s health and the need to be here at this time. I would have been unable to release to the magical powers of the Mountains and it would have been a simple waste of time and money.

It is my privilege to be here now and help in any way I can to make my father’s passing as easy as possible and provide support to my Mother at the same time. I will not go into detail (for reasons I will write about shortly), beyond saying that my father has not been granted an easy and dignified end to his life. It is truly amazing to witness the power of fear, concern, worry and guilt, and how they can keep a soul, already cleansed and ready to depart, prisoner in a physical vessel which is, for all intent and purposes, no longer “living”.

I myself have entered a new stage in my relationship with my father, just as lovers do when the dimension of physical intimacy is added to their relationship. It changes things forever in ways that cannot be described in words. If the relationship is a truly loving one, the new intimacy is profound and felt well beyond the physical level-as deep as can be-two souls meet and commune and become one. And in the same way that these lovers would want to share the essence of their new relationship without sharing the intimate physical details, so I myself have found it fitting NOT to share the technical details of the my father’s condition- not to go into the very intimate details of my father’s last days, but will just say that the essence of this added dimension to my relationship with him, the wonder and new depth in our relationship is a gift beyond words.

This is the blessing this detour has given me with my father.

To see his physical distress, pain and frustration, to feel his raw emotional distress and anguish, is probably the most difficult lesson I have had to endure so far in my life. To watch this gentle loving man go through this lingering, undignified end to a proud and honorable life is almost beyond endurance. My helplessness is unbearable at times-the frailty of the physical body vs. the tenacity and strength of the mind, and our thoughts and beliefs, incomprehensible. The will and determination of the human mind to survive in the physical is beyond rationale, especially when the body in its physical form has just about completely shut down.

I do my best to comfort him with Reiki when he is willing to accept these loving energies, as he is granted respite from his physical and emotional torment. There is a visible change in his entire façade, his breathing, his muscle tone and he seems to enter a state of complete relaxation and release. However, he very often refuses to receive Reiki. His fears overwhelm him…he is drowning in fear, the fear that if he relaxes his grip for a moment on his physical reality, “something” will happen. What that something is he is unaware of, but the fear prevents him from allowing himself the luxury of release.

Like many Western people, my father has never talked about, or even thought of, Death and certainly has never contemplated his own passing. He has no concept of “soul” and the only thing which is real for him is the physical realm. He has never questioned his own mortality or the essence of the soul vs. the physical body needed to keep that soul here on Earth. And as a result, he is paralyzed by fear, of the unknown, of his own helplessness in his situation, by the complete breakdown of everything physical, and yet the rational mind will not, or is incapable of, giving in or releasing its grip. The only thing we can do now is to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as necessary for him to finish his own processes. For those lucky enough to feel no fear of passing over, the final moment becomes a peaceful one-but for those who are completely unprepared, the need to cling to the familiar, to the physical, is overwhelming.

This is a lesson which challenges my beliefs to the core, and to my great joy, I find my beliefs unshakably strong . That knowledge is reassuring and I am most grateful to God and to the Universe for allowing me once again to be in a difficult and unsettling situation which COULD have shattered all I’ve held to be true. For allowing me to look in the mirror , see my professed beliefs held up for scrutiny, and still find them steadfast.

All DOES happen for our Higher Good, ALL things are a blessing, and the human mind, our intentions, our thoughts, CAN and DO make seemingly impossible things happen on a physical level.

Insights and Empowering Experiences, God and Nature

And yet one more profound journal entry which I must share with those of you who do not follow my India Journals....

Today is October 5th, 2001 but yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me...I wrote a very long letter which first of all thanked all of you who took the time and energy to either call or write to me during the last few really rough days here...I love you and really appreciate your efforts. But I also wrote many deep "inside" thoughts and wrote and wrote and wrote and when I tried sending it, the whole thing disappeared...this has never happened to be before...I always do copy before I send and so if something happens the letter is still there..but thistime, someone else's letter came up on the screen...really weird.

So I wrote again, not quite so in depth and still refused to be sent...so I came to the conclusion that those thoughts were not meant to be put down on paper, but rather savored within and staying within just for me to experience.

I am first amazed at the resiliency of the human spirit. From feeling guilty about feeling happy – to exhilaration at dispelling a lifetime myth about myself, all within the same day. Life does go on and that is the beautiful part about living it to the fullest!

In spite of crises and difficulties with coping with a situation, life goes on and the beauty of discoveries about ourselves and our inner strengths carry us through.

Perhaps this inner awakening occurred simultaneously in me precisely on the same day as hearing about the terrorist attack on my daughter’s house almost as the Universe’s way of getting me through the last couple of days OR - as a RESULT of my getting through the last couple of days!! Don't know which! Whichever-it has been an incredibly rewarding experience for me and I will never be the same as I was.

No matter what I do when I get back to "normal"-normal will never be the same for me as it was just 2 months ago.

The revelations of my childhood memories during my first long walk made me realize that many things we believe about ourselves and allow life's experiences to reinforce for us over the years with our owninterpretations, we are erroneously basing on false perceptions of ourselves as children and adults. This creates modes of behavior and beliefs which stifle our very physical being for as much as 1/2 a century of our lives!!

To be finally released from these beliefs-to dispel a myth about myself and who I have always believed myself to be-is like being released from the shackles of a certain type of bondage and being freed to discover and develop all the wondrous things just waiting inside!

That a walk in nature can do this to a person is again proof of what I wrote awhile ago...the green of nature is God's way of showing his love for all creatures on earth and it is there, surrounded by his love that we can truly find our selves and achieve a true feeling of LOVE for ourselves.

I don't remember a time in my life when I felt so invigorated and alive. And not just physically...all my senses were totally involved in the experience bringing me into my most inner being as well asfilling an expansiveness of my aura itself with amazing energies, tingling through me and expanding outward to join with the trees and mountains etc.

These days, spending time with others is almost an intrusion... This precious gift of being with ME is a blessing and it will be over in just a few days. I will have a different kind of experience traveling now with someone else which I'm sure will be no less important and revealing to me.

I am just sad that this beautiful period of isolation by choice is coming to an end. I feel as if I could live for months like this and not get tired of it. There are always people here if I want them, but being by myself has thedistinct advantage of allowing me to NOT speak with or see anyone by choice without insulting any one or feeling bad about going off by myself. And no explanation is ever required! It is a true luxury.

Tomorrow I have agreed to try a real trek with Darya up into the mountain...3-4 hours up the mountain but with tea houses all along the way...she understands that if I feel it is too much, we just come back down without getting as far as the waterfalls which are allthe way up there some place. This will be an additional "test" for me and I am really looking forward to it excitedly...alot of the walking is in the forest so I hopefully will not have trouble withthe heat, and we are both taking lots of snacks along so I guess it will be OK.

The Jewish New Year and Another Golden Opportunity to Get Yourself Out of the Shadow of the Past

You don't have to be Jewish to use this opportunity. It is simply another chance to journey within and see what we find, explore the inner workings of our soul and try and move forward into a new place. There will always be things which need to be questioned and challenged, and always new ways and opportunities to make profound changes which will help us move forward in our Sacred Contract, our reason for being here.

Let us all pray that we be granted the guidance, clarity and direction we need, as well as the wisdom to understand and perceive the blessings given to us, no matter what form or disguise they may take.

This would be a good time to take a minute and go back and check out the previous post on Living in the Shadow of the Past and the Power of Forgiveness and finding the ways to release all that is no longer necessary or healthy for us in the coming New Year. It would also be a wonderful time to begin doing the forgiveness exercise explained in the post for all those in your life who you still need to forgive. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to discard everything which we do not need to move forward in peace, tranquility, love, laughter and good health. Let's move out of the Shadow of the Past into a beautiful, sunny and tranquil New Year.

I am now reading a book which I highly recommend to all by Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit and Sacred Contracts. Her latest book is called Invisible Acts of Power-Personal Choices That Create Miracles-quite amazing and highly recommended. I would like to end this post by sharing with you the following quote (pp.58) from the book since it gives amazing insights into many things we have discussed and opens doors to much further thought. If you already know these things, than think about them often. If this is the first time you are encountering these ideas, than think about them deeply and begin to question and contemplate. You will get much joy from understanding the ideas.

• You are where you are supposed to be and in every moment there is an opportunity to seerve another or to receive support.
• There are no such things as coincidences or accidents. Look for the meaning in your synchronistic encounters.
• Any form of assistance you offer is an act of healing.
• Anything you do for others, as well as the support you receive in your own life, has healing consequences for the whole human community.
• You will always receive help within a second of a prayer. To recognize the help, you must see everything in your life from that second on as a part of the answer to your prayer.
• Everything you do consciously is an invisible act of power.
  
  SHANA TOVA TO ALL...A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!
  

Time Off for Family...and India Journals

Hi All, Sorry to have deserted you but wasn't sure anyone would notice. It's only since several of you have asked that I'm writing to let you know what's been going on for the past few weeks and why I haven't continued my postings on Reiki. Two of my daughters and their families have relocated, one from the city to the country, another coming back after 3 years of work abroad, and I spent several days with each of them helping them move in and organize their new homes. At the same time, my father is still going through a serious crisis after being, regretably, placed in a permanent nursing care unit. It will take him time to adjust but his complete dependence on others has taken a great toll and it is very difficult to see him, care for him etc. And of course, my Mother has been deeply effected by this as well. They have spent their entire life together as a couple, meeting each other something like 75 years ago and being married for 65 years. And the last 30+ years they have been retired and have spent every single day together just about all the time. The separation for them, beyond the difficult state my father is in, would be enough to create a serious emotional crisis leading to physical symptoms. It is like have part of your body ripped out. But they are both in the same assisted living building, my Mother in her own apartment still, and Father just downstairs, and they are both learning to come to terms with the situation. What the entire past year has created for all of us however, including myself, without our even being aware of it, is a chronic state of stress which has pretty much lasted for about 1 1/2 years actually, and only now have I understand the debilitating effect it has created in my life, on all levels, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. It has been devastating and only this week did I realize to what extent it has effected me. I am now working things through and putting myself "back together" as well...including going to the gym, (in addition to my daily practices of yoga, pranayama, meditation and Reiki) and, finally, working on my India Journals blog. All of the above has taken up my energies, both physically and mentally, and have therefore not posted anything new here all this time. My apologies....but part of the living in the now is living in the now! And doing what is right at each moment...flowing...learning...understanding...creating new ways of dealing and always opening the new doors of opportunity which present themselves to us along the way...no matter how twisted and complicated it may seem sometimes. So, if you are interested in seeing what I've done so far on the India Journals (about 1/2 way finished but no photos yet)...and also a very interesting sum up post of Lesson's Learnt from my travels at the beginning of the blog...you can do so by following this link: Jane's India Journals Hope to get back to my regular blog entries shortly. My love to all Jane