An Angel Returns Home

ABDELLAH IN PARIS - MARCH 2006

This is for me the beginning of a personal effort to recapture and understand the rhyme and reason, insight and lesson, and even beauty associated with what would appear to be a single event but which is really the culmination of a long series of synchronicities which lead up to, and even followed the event itself.

So, where to I begin? Well, those of you who have been following my blogs know of my wonderful friend Abdellah and our very special relationship, which included not only the lovely times we spent together in India, but even a 9 day visit I made to Paris to spend time with him in March of 2006. You can read a short account in the blog posts: http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com/#114495322641587364

Abdellah is the only person I ever knew who truly and literally lived each day as it if was his last…truly lived in the moment.

The only meaning money had for him was as a means to bring happiness into the lives of people (not just “others”, himself as well, as he was a person who truly loved and respected himself).

NADDI


He lived each and every day fully, and worrying about “having enough for the future” was a completely alien concept to him. He was my living lesson in non-attachment.


BHAGSU WATERFALL CAFE 2003

Abdellah’s quest during the short few years I knew him, was to get closer to God. This was his reason for pursuing the different philosophies he pursued, such as Kriya Yoga. He was looking for the best way to connect to Him. Well, he is now where he always wanted to be. With God - and I am happy for him as I know he is at peace and content. He was just an angel here on Earth waiting to get back home.

A PUJA AT BHAGSU WATERFALL


And the lessons I learnt from him, I was able to put into action in my own life by using money “I did not have” and “could not afford to use” – to bring joy and happiness in a surprising way, into the life of another person. And this small act snowballed and the effects of my one small action continued to bring further happiness to others as well.

The lessons I learnt from Abdellah, the days filled with joy and laughter we spent together, the deeper meaning of living life to the fullest which I was permeated with every time I spoke to him, the smiles of joy on the faces of all those who knew him every time his name was mentioned, are all things which will remain with me forever.

He will always be with me. Abdellah was a practicing Buddhist, and I just have to maneuver my way over a bunch of ants so as not to step on them, or watch a mosquito fly by without "clapping" it between my hands (I did that once instinctively when Abdellah was with me (!)...I have NEVER done it again!), and I think of him. [Abdellah's Mother is Muslim, and his step-father, who he grew up with, is Jewish (he has relatives in Israel), and one of his favorite foods is kneidlach, which I happily made for him with chicken soup one evening in McLeodganj. I also taught him how to make challah when I was in Paris with him. ] I just have to think of sausissons which he introduced me to at Kailwood in 2004, and I am in food heaven. The wonderful meals we shopped for, cooked and ate together, the movies we watched with his wonderful insights - he studied film in university in the States - the insights into Buddhist philosophy I received from him, but more important, in daily living...all these things keep him alive within me. Showing true loving-kindness, compassion and goodwill to all - not an easy thing to do ALL the time, was something that he could never NOT do. It was simply part of his essence. A living lesson in truly loving and respecting all living creatures, including himself. Like the wonderful plans he had drawn up for his new home in India, originally planned at the farmhouse in Kangra but later moved to an area near Palampur that his friend the Banker in Dharamsala was helping him with. A beautifully planned home, lavishly furnished with the best of everything including giant full wall size plasma TV screen.







AT KOKILA'S FARMHOUSE IN KANGRA WHERE HE WAS ORIGINALLY PLANNING TO BUILD A HOUSE

Well, let’s start with the fact that the last time I saw Abdellah was when he left Dharamsala to go back to Delhi and home to Paris, last year sometime in May 2007 if I am not mistaken. We had spent several really fun days together as usual, but his time in Dharamsala was short and we didn’t have the intense type of visit we usually do in India, where we spend extended periods of time together. So when I decided to go back to India in February 2008, we knew we would be meeting up for 2 weeks the beginning of March before he flew back to Paris after his several months studying Yoga in Mysore. He would come up to Rishikesh, and it would have been his first visit to Rishikesh and I knew he would love it, and was excited about seeing him.

I wrote to him from home to confirm the visit, but when he didn’t reply I didn’t think twice about it, as this was part of who he was and I never was disturbed by his lack of response to my e-mails. I always knew he read them all from the conversations we would have afterwards when we met. He just hated writing. He would prefer to call me by phone, which he did every couple of months, usually calling on a Friday night and saying “Shabbat Shalom” and throwing me off balance for a few seconds before I realized it was him calling.

I then wrote again when I arrived, and again as the beginning of March got closer, but still received no response. Someplace deep down inside I felt a twinge of worry, but ignored it, thinking that he perhaps had changed his plans, and would certainly be in touch with me when he was able to. And then the beginning of March came and went and no word. I even met our mutual friend Nikolai in Rishikesh and asked about Abdellah. He also said he had been strangely silent for a long time…even for him.

ABDELLAH AND NIKOLAI AT KAILWOOD IN MCLEODGANJ - 2004

But he also agreed with me that there was no reason for worry as this was typical behavior for him…Abdellah was my big lesson in true non-attachment, and I tended to agree with Nikolai, but something still didn’t seem right to me. But I brushed it aside. I would be home in Israel soon (it was a short trip to India) and if I hadn’t heard from him by then, would call him, or call a friend of his in Paris, which was the only other way I had of contacting him. And I continued with the short remaining time I had in Rishikesh, disappointed with not having seen Abdellah, but figuring there was a good reason for him not being there with me. I was after all, enjoying the company of Ben tremendously, as well as my healing meetings with Dudi, and was being kept quite busy and happy as well.

When I arrived home, still not having heard from Abdellah, I went to call his friend in Paris several times, but something always “got in the way” of the phone call. It just seemed to be something which would not happen. And then one day, I forwarded an e-mail to a group of friends, and when doing this, Abdellah’s name would always appear in the ”TO” window as he was alphabetically first on my list. The rest would be BCC , but anyone who opened the mail could see I had sent it to Abdellah. One of the recipients was Nikolai, and he sent me an e-mail simply saying “do you know-just in case- that Abdellah passed away about a month ago?”

Well, first of all it is not an easy thing to write and I certainly don’t envy Nikolai for being the one to write it to me, and second of all, what do you do when you read something like that? You go into shock and denial at first, I can tell you, and then you begin to feel guilty about not knowing about it sooner (but how could you?), and then you begin to think “Why didn’t I call sooner” (but what good would that have done), and then you burst out in tears, and then uncontrollable sobs, and you need to sit down, you need to speak to someone, you need to understand, you need to comprehend what you just read, and you cry and cry and cry until everything hurts and there are no more tears…and then you begin to cry again. And finally, you can breath once again and you begin to realize the impact of that simple sentence. You will never see Abdellah again…not in India, not in Paris, not anywhere. He will never call again and surprise you with a “Shabbat Shalom”. He will never come up behind you on the street , say “How YOU doin’ my friend” and when you turn around, see his amazing smile in front of you. You will never cook another meal together with him,


KITCHERI IN MY ROOM AT KAILWOOD - 2003

drink coffee with him, go shopping with him (shop until you drop style) again, never watch another movie with him again, never have him watch you dance folkdancing in the guesthouse room, never listen to music again with him, never just sit and talk with him or travel with him, or laugh with him, never go to Udeechi Huts in Naddi for fried chicken with him, never, never, and more never!

UDEECHI HUTS IN NADDI 2004


And then I began to do my best to put together a story of how this all happened. Being in touch with other mutual friends I was able to put together the sad story of his illness and surprising death. I will not detail it here, as there is no reason to do so, but will simply say that he contracted pneumonia in Mysore, and by the time he was flown home to Paris by his insurance company, quite some time later by the way, the virus had done too much damage and he was unable to recover. He was 47 years old. I further checked with them and his family, found out some precise dates of events etc., read stories many people had written about him, collected pictures etc.

I refuse to dwell on the “what if” questions etc., as there is simply no point in it, and prefer to put together for you a series of small synchronicities surrounding my arrival in India in February, my stay there, some unusual things that I realized through hindsight which show the interconnectiveness of our souls even after his death. I can truly tell you that I “see” Abdellah more now than I did when he was alive…he is with me very often. Watching me at folkdancing, attending a recent silent retreat with me, and during one of the meditations sat next to me, and in his typical fashion of never taking anything in life too seriously, said to me “Well, I see someone has finally got you to shut up!” (He very often commented that I talked too much!). He is actually sitting with me now and has already made a couple of comments about what I am writing. I wear a bracelet he once bought for me (by surprise…sending it to me by mail after I had already left India…after I had admired it in a jewelry store where we were shopping together for presents for his family members)…and I can feel him physically with me. His presence is powerful and loving and gentle and brings me great happiness…whenever I am feeling down, he comes around and brings a big smile to my face. I can truly say that I do not miss him , as I very rarely saw him anyway. When I return to India in a couple of months, I’m sure it will be difficult, but I am also sure that he will be there with me as well, just as he is now.

So now, just a small list of those things discovered in retrospect, bringing things more into focus and understanding.

I arrived in India actually quite ill, having fallen sick at home several days prior to my flight. Upon my arrival in Rishikesh, I actually began running a very high fever, which is very unusual for me, I rarely, if ever, have even a low fever when I am ill. After two days the guesthouse people took me to a doctor as they were quite worried about my condition, and he said there is extremely serious congestion in my lungs and he suspects pneumonia. He was an ayurveda doctor and gave me certain herbal medicines to take, but also recommended 3 days of antibiotics due to the extreme severity of my condition. I was quite surprised as I don’t usually get this ill. This was around the 14th of February. Later on, checking back on my blog, I realized that the first day I felt well enough to leave my room, or the small area near it in the guesthouse, was on February 22nd. This was the first day when, all of a sudden, all of the symptoms I had been feeling, completely disappeared, as if I had never been sick.
A couple of days after that, I met Ben and one of the first things he brought me to read was a booklet called “Do Not Grieve” which he had picked up at a local ashram in town. At the time, I simply read it and found many interesting ideas regarding life in general, and graceful acceptance of all that happens etc., without ever thinking that I would actually need it for true grieving. But there is was…in my room….
another thing which happened to me and is also documented in a blog post is a feeling of sudden and deep sadness for no reason which overcame me, and brought me to tears which could not be stopped. I had to leave the company of friends and run up to my room. It lasted for a few days and only when I did a full energy cleansing of my room did I begin to feel better and start sleeping again at night. I tried finding a reason for the sadness, but simply could not….everything was just beautiful in my life at the moment. It is something that came from a deep deep place within…only afterward I understood what it was and what had caused it to service.
Upon returning home to Israel, I began my Reiki Sharing group and at the first meeting, one of the people working on me said she felt a deep, profound sadness within me, so intense that it was difficult for HER to bear. I again said I could think of no reason for such sadness to be sensed as I was in an extremely tranquil and harmonious time in my life and all seemed to be going really well for me.

Once I found out the dates connected to Abdellah’s illness, his death, his memorial services etc., I went back and checked the above things by date as well. I was SO intensely ill just at the same time that Abdellah was at the most critical part of his own illness with pneumonia. The day he passed away, and no longer felt the suffering from the symptoms, was February 22nd! The same day I first was able leave my room, feeling complete relief from symptoms as well.
The booklet “Do Not Grieve” came in very handy the first day I heard the news at home as it helped me to put things into perspective and come to terms with what had happened.
The day of the Reiki Sharing Group turned out to be the same day that a Memorial Service was held for Abdellah in the States, and again the sadness was felt by me. And the sadness I felt in India, well, my soul KNEW what had happened…it just had no way of communicating it to me on an intellectual level, so even not knowing, I also KNEW, and the sadness already enveloped me.

And of course Abdellah continues to do things for others even though he is no longer here with us physically. The lessons I learnt from him, and continue to absorb, lead me to understand that someone near and dear needed immediate help, and that even though everything common sense told me said I could not help them, Abdellah said I could and should, and so I did, and wonderful things have happened to an entire family through that help but with thanks to him.

I will end this post with my thanks to God and the Universe for bringing Abdellah into my life, and to Abdellah himself for all the wonderful days he spent with me, and for the lovely moments he still spends with me to this day.

Goodbye My Friend!

The Power of Positive Thoughts, Manifestation and Faith

While beginning the planning of my next sojourn in India, I realized that regular readers of my blogs must be under the impression that nothing inspirational, thought provoking or exciting happens to me when I am back in Israel!

Well, the opposite is true. Every single day is an amazing adventure, a mystery waiting to unfold in amazing and quite surprising ways, full of synchronicities, messages and blessings. The reason I do so little posting while in Israel, is simply that I have less time to dedicate to my blog and so these articles, which are just waiting to be posted, accumulate in my notebook and in my head to the point where I don’t know where to begin first…right now there are AT LEAST 4 I would like to share with you. I will begin with the current place in my life and work my way back, but the posts will deal with the following which start from the most recent and work their way back:

1. My moving to a new flat
2. The story of my teaching Reiki to someone from Moscow who found me on the internet!
3. The Retreat I went to “by chance”, meeting my Guides and the messages channeled to me.
4. The Passing of my dear friend Abdellah
5. The idea of “Fear and Faith…you can’t have both”

And of course all the subsequent messages and lessons learnt from each of the above.

Soooo….let’s begin with the “simple” fact that I am moving to a new flat in a month’s time! This happened “all of a sudden” after a very long series of events and synchronicities leading up to it.

First of all, for many months now, perhaps a year, I have been manifesting more comfortable living arrangements. I have been living in my current flat











for almost 4 years, when I came back from a trip to India with no home, no job and no money. This flat was “given” to me as a temporary solution and I actually lived here the first 6 months free of charge, until I found proper work and could begin paying rent. This was not something I asked for. At the time I had simply asked for solutions to the no home, no job no money situation and this was part of the solution prepared for me by the Universe.

But the flat, even at that time, was completely dilapidated and in a serious state of deterioration after being neglected for years by the owners, who’s only desire was to rent it out and make money. Now, 4 years later, the condition of the flat is, obviously, even more serious, despite my doing many repairs over the years at my own expense. (The owner refuses on principle to put any money back into the flat).






Some time ago I realized, that despite the inconvenience it would cause me, I must find myself a more comfortable, pleasant form of living arrangement. The current flat is right in the heart of a lovely city in Israel called Raanana, which is generally very expensive, but the area the flat is in is consider an undesirable complex of very old flats built in the 50’s, and so the rents here are much lower than the rest of the city. It is also located smack in the middle of town so that I can easily walk to anything I need or anyone I need to see. I’ve never had such convenience. And although it is a flat, which I am not used to living in, it has lovely open grassy and tree filled spaces right outside and although near the main street, is extremely quiet and always has on the street parking available.

What I began to manifest was an apartment, which would not involve and long-distance move, perhaps even in the same city if possible at my current lower rental fee, with access to all conveniences by foot, with open space and green natural areas outside, but that the flat itself be in good condition, with new kitchen, bathroom and shower facilities, with closets, heating and air conditioning, clean, well painted, light and clean. With the same number of rooms so that my daughter could continue to live with me if she chose to, and with a room large enough as well to act as a clinic and workshop area. With lovely neighbors, easy access (either on a low floor or with an elevator)…etc. The list goes on.

I did this in my daily practice for months and months, always imagining myself living comfortably, but still enjoying my current situation and never feeling miserable that no changes had yet occurred.

And then, the time came closer for a renewal of my lease and I knew the current landlord would want to raise the rent (again), and I already felt I was paying to much considering the condition of the flat. So the first thing I did towards physically getting more energies into my manifestation process , was to begin asking neighbors how much rent they were paying (and all the other flats are redone and pleasant and clean etc.) and also told the person who is in charge of the building here that I am looking perhaps for another flat if the landlord wants to raise my rent again as, to put it mildly, I was already fed up with the place!

I found out how much others were paying and saw some really nice looking flats in the same building, and then I was told that there actually was a flat vacant but that the owners were not happy about renting it out (the parents had both passed over 6 months ago and it’s been empty since then) because they had recently redone the entire flat and were afraid of having tenants who would not care for it. So, the person in charge got in touch with them and recommended me as a possible tenant and put the idea in motion in their heads to think about renting it out.

Turns out, “by chance”, that this same flat is just one flight up from my current flat, directly above me!! And I was invited to come see it last week and if I did not see it with my own eyes, would not believe it was the exact same flat I am now living in after renovations. It was everything I had been asking for in my manifestations daily for months, and would not involve long-distance moving expenses, gives me the same conveniences regarding location and open space etc. that I have now, and , in effect, is everything I’ve been asking for including closets, heating, AC, whatever.

However, the rent they were asking for was much too high and so I began sending Reiki, and having all my Reiki friends so the same, to ask for a fair and just solution for all parties involved. I began mulling over the idea of spending much more in rent than I currently am, but even if I stayed in my current flat, the rent would be raised with no justification. So I decided what amount I would be comfortable with and that was my specific goal for a solution to the rent question. I was still not sure however, about the amount of money (fear was overcoming faith in this instance, and I found it difficult to overcome this…after all, we have to be practical, don’t we?) . My daughter shlomit surprised me completely one day when I came home. She had been telling me all along that there should be no question in my mind about the rightness of moving into the flat upstairs…that I deserved it…that I am worthy of much better living conditions than I have here etc) What she told me was that SHE would take care of the extra rent money. How? She is a student? She decided that she would get a student loan if she continued to study and use it to pay the difference in rent, and if she ended her studies, and began working, she would pay the rent difference from her salary!! So, everything seemed to be in place except for the landlords upstairs agreeing to the lower price. But I was still wavering in my decision of spending the extra money…perhaps convince the current landlord to do some minor repairs to make the place more livable? Do I really want to spend the extra money? Etc. Deep down inside, I already KNEW I deserved to move to the flat upstairs, but again, the fear / faith issue had arisen to shake my confidence in my soul’s knowing!

A couple of days ago, during my morning meditation practice, I was simply told to pick two cards, one for goddess guidance and one for angel assistance, and I sat down immediately and did so. These are the two cards that came up with a short explanation of each:

RHIANNON: Sorceress…”You are a magical person who can manifest your clear intentions into reality”: With these meanings intended:
Have absolute faith that your dream is manifested
Make a clear decision
Put your energy into manifesting your dreams
Know that you deserve to receive good
When you win, others win too
Keep your thoughts focused on your desire and away from fear.

I could not have a received a message more clear than the above!!! So before even checking out the angel assistant card I had picked, I decided conclusively that the flat above was prepared especially for me as part of the overview, many months ago, even before I KNEW I would have to move. I knew that the rent question would be settled to everyone’s satisfaction. That FAITH was the only way to go now and asked for complete freedom from fear in this matter, and then, using a new technique I learnt in the retreat I went to “by chance” a couple of weeks ago, called Hatmara, I did further energy work on the entire situation. And then opened the second card:

OMEGA: “Victory! Your desire is coming to fruition. Keep up the good work!”
Congratulations! You have chosen to follow your Divine guidance, and the Universe is flowing in natural rhythm with your decision. When you listen to the messages that your heart whispers, you swim in natural synchronicity with the tide of your life’s purpose. Stay relaxed and confident, and keep moving forward with happiness and grace. ….Your victory is inevitable in this situation, so you needn’t worry that temporary problems will thwart your desire. …Release your doubts to Heaven, and rest assured that a happy outcome is yours.

NEED I SAY MORE ABOUT THE ABOVE????!!!!

I immediately placed a phone call to my current landlord and explained that I was considering moving, but wondered if there was any possibility of basic repairs being done on the flat. The reply was that not only would no repairs be done, the rent would also be raised, and if I chose to leave, it would be OK as they could charge even higher rental fees to someone new. Hmmmmm….

I then called the NEW landlord, asked if they had considered their final offer in reducing their initial request for rent, and , quite pleasantly, they replied yes…and it was exactly the amount that I had already decided I was willing to pay!!. I asked all the questions I had to ask, she asked hers, and when we were both satisfied, she said she would get a lease prepared by a lawyer and get it to me for my approval and signature.
So I will be moving into my new home before the 1st of September!!!

And that is it for today….I will do my best to catch up with my posts here and ask your forgiveness for not being more attentive to this blog.

Much tranquility and harmony
Light love and joy
Jane

WRITING – From the Heart or From the Head

The following is posted on my India Blog as well, but felt it needed to find its way to this blog also. There is a more intense and thought-provoking post in the process dealing with Fear and Faith, but it is not yet ready for posting...perhaps it will be before I leave India...and then again, perhaps not!

I’ve come to an interesting understanding… My blog posts this trip have been fairly dull and uninteresting and whenever I sat down at the computer to write about my day, there was no true desire to write at all. So I simply put down the basic facts of the day’s experience and left it at that. The “heart” of my experience literally never got put down “on paper”. And that was the problem.

I am now sitting in a coffee shop along the Ganga, feeling the energies, absorbing the atmosphere, and, with pen in hand, FEELING the words for the first time this trip. I cannot go back and “fix” what has already been posted, but I would like to believe that the rest of the trip will, as in the past, first find its way through my heart and hand via pen, to paper, and then later simply be transcribed to the computer. The full range of feelings and insights can only be felt in this way it seems.

I truly have had an amazing journey here. So many things have happened in so short a time, that I honestly do not feel the need to be here longer than the originally planned 7 weeks ( which end in 2 weeks!). Everything I could have dreamt of and imagined to make this short time perfect, whole and complete, has happened. Healing on deep levels, great joy and laughter, unexpected surprises on all levels – physical, emotional, mental and spiritual – all coming together in perfect harmony to bring full and profound meaning to this trip.

I have been blessed with all those people (angels) necessary to initiate and facilitate different processes whose end results are complete tranquility, harmony and balance. A feeling of wellbeing on all levels which I haven’t experienced in a long time, and was in desperate need of.

There have been those who have been guided to me to find answers to their own issues through the Divine guidance I am always offered. And there have been those sent to ME to help ME move forward in healing issues which have plagued me for too long. Issues which I have been asking for help with for a long time.

I now sit overlooking the Ganga, with a feeling of deep contentment, knowing that once again I have journeyed inward through Divine Grace and discovered further unexplored territories and landscapes in the depth of my heart and soul.

I look forward to returning to the “real” world and continuing my journey, knowing that I have all the faith necessary to fearlessly continue to travel the new paths opened before me. I am surrounded always with loving protection and guidance from God and His Universe, my Guides, and the angels.

I amy be writing further posts…but I doubt there is any way to truly put into words the full depth and range of feelings and insights I have experienced over the past short month.

INSIGHT: It is interesting that this first “writing” comes in the wake, and seemingly as another result of, the healing in the form of past-life regression and Tikun (fixing) I experienced 2 days ago. It fits into the pattern…my meditations are deeper and more tranquil of mind, my yoga asanas are easier with a newfound flexibility of joint and muscle, my quiet, still poses, are effortless and can be held indefinitely without loosing my balance, my pranayama (breathing exercises) are much deeper and exhilarating, so ti makes sense that as a result of this deep cleansing, unblocking and release of accumulated “toxins” from the past, my words would also begin to flow as well!