My life has taken a detour, again (what we perceive as a detour in our journey, is only OUR understanding of the turn of events. Truth is, things are unfolding exactly as they should and all things occur as they are meant to at the moment in the Universal plan of things)…and has, at the same time, given me the opportunity for further growth through new lessons learnt. When one is forced to take a detour on a planned journey, it does not mean that he cannot enjoy the scenery on the new route. Perhaps pleasant scenery is not part of this detour for me, but certainly blessings to be found and lessons to be learnt are.
And as such, this blog will once again take a detour away from the planned in depth discussion of the Reiki principles until this current period comes to an end. You can however see a very short personal look at how this period is challenging me and my personal daily work with the Reiki principles in the next short post.
I am, at the moment, NOT in India as planned. As things worked out, two days before my scheduled flight, I cancelled my plans.
I had every intention of going to India to revive my spirit, recharge my batteries so to speak and gather new and fresh energies to help me continue caring for my ailing father, and give support to my Mother at this most difficult of times in her life.
However, the situation being what it is, I simply could not have achieved any of these goals in India due to the deterioration in my father’s health and the need to be here at this time. I would have been unable to release to the magical powers of the Mountains and it would have been a simple waste of time and money.
It is my privilege to be here now and help in any way I can to make my father’s passing as easy as possible and provide support to my Mother at the same time. I will not go into detail (for reasons I will write about shortly), beyond saying that my father has not been granted an easy and dignified end to his life. It is truly amazing to witness the power of fear, concern, worry and guilt, and how they can keep a soul, already cleansed and ready to depart, prisoner in a physical vessel which is, for all intent and purposes, no longer “living”.
I myself have entered a new stage in my relationship with my father, just as lovers do when the dimension of physical intimacy is added to their relationship. It changes things forever in ways that cannot be described in words. If the relationship is a truly loving one, the new intimacy is profound and felt well beyond the physical level-as deep as can be-two souls meet and commune and become one. And in the same way that these lovers would want to share the essence of their new relationship without sharing the intimate physical details, so I myself have found it fitting NOT to share the technical details of the my father’s condition- not to go into the very intimate details of my father’s last days, but will just say that the essence of this added dimension to my relationship with him, the wonder and new depth in our relationship is a gift beyond words.
This is the blessing this detour has given me with my father.
To see his physical distress, pain and frustration, to feel his raw emotional distress and anguish, is probably the most difficult lesson I have had to endure so far in my life. To watch this gentle loving man go through this lingering, undignified end to a proud and honorable life is almost beyond endurance. My helplessness is unbearable at times-the frailty of the physical body vs. the tenacity and strength of the mind, and our thoughts and beliefs, incomprehensible. The will and determination of the human mind to survive in the physical is beyond rationale, especially when the body in its physical form has just about completely shut down.
I do my best to comfort him with Reiki when he is willing to accept these loving energies, as he is granted respite from his physical and emotional torment. There is a visible change in his entire façade, his breathing, his muscle tone and he seems to enter a state of complete relaxation and release. However, he very often refuses to receive Reiki. His fears overwhelm him…he is drowning in fear, the fear that if he relaxes his grip for a moment on his physical reality, “something” will happen. What that something is he is unaware of, but the fear prevents him from allowing himself the luxury of release.
Like many Western people, my father has never talked about, or even thought of, Death and certainly has never contemplated his own passing. He has no concept of “soul” and the only thing which is real for him is the physical realm. He has never questioned his own mortality or the essence of the soul vs. the physical body needed to keep that soul here on Earth. And as a result, he is paralyzed by fear, of the unknown, of his own helplessness in his situation, by the complete breakdown of everything physical, and yet the rational mind will not, or is incapable of, giving in or releasing its grip. The only thing we can do now is to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as necessary for him to finish his own processes. For those lucky enough to feel no fear of passing over, the final moment becomes a peaceful one-but for those who are completely unprepared, the need to cling to the familiar, to the physical, is overwhelming.
This is a lesson which challenges my beliefs to the core, and to my great joy, I find my beliefs unshakably strong . That knowledge is reassuring and I am most grateful to God and to the Universe for allowing me once again to be in a difficult and unsettling situation which COULD have shattered all I’ve held to be true. For allowing me to look in the mirror , see my professed beliefs held up for scrutiny, and still find them steadfast.
All DOES happen for our Higher Good, ALL things are a blessing, and the human mind, our intentions, our thoughts, CAN and DO make seemingly impossible things happen on a physical level.
Labels: blessings, Faith, In Memoriam, lessons, Poetry, prayer
