Jane's Mindfulness Journal


Thursday, March 20, 2008

Just for Today...I Will Not Worry - Part I

This post is long overdue, but everything happens exactly as it is meant to and in the most suitable time frame, so a little background as to the reasons for the delay, and how those reasons themselves add further clarity, strength and understanding to the whole concept of worry as we generally understand it.

Following a very difficult period, not only because of my Father's passing (see my new blog for further details, updated postings etc.) In Memoriam, but also due to the new harsh reality of my Mother's financial situation and the need to find new living arrangements for her, the whole concept of "Just for Today I will not worry" was put to the supreme test.

There were some shaky moments to be sure, very shaky actually, but the constant use of Reiki, meditation and prayer have proven themselves once again. It took some time, more than my problematic impatience could stand at moments, but things are slowly working their way out in ways of course that I could never imagine.

Which is all part of it! Let GO and let GOD! Don't worry about the "how's". Don't set limits as to how the solution will present itself. Just know that ..."when we release our needs and prayers to the universe without strings attached, the heavens take care of coordinating the outcome."..."Look upon everything from the end of (your) prayer onward as having a part to play in the answer to your prayer..." (Caroline Myss, Invisible Acts of Power).

Hopefully the following will give you a deeper understanding of the principle..."just for today I will not worry"...and I am sure my own personal involvement over the past few months precisely with this principle, was not by chance. Nothing Is. It was all meant to give more depth and concrete understanding to me before presenting it here to you.

My Father passed away on Octber 16th, following almost 6 months of a difficult and lingering death, during which time I had also left my job as administrative assistant in a Hi Tech Company to be able to care for him and spend more time with him, as well as my Mother...it was an extremely difficult and stressful period. In addition, I had cancelled a 4 month trip to India just 2 days before I was meant to fly out, as it was obvious that the situation was very serious. (He passed away 10 days later). I had planned to spend the time in India to make better use of my months of unemployment payments, but as things would have it, that didn't work either. My Mother also was in a very precarious financial situation as mentioned above, and it was all getting to be too much.

Even saying "Just for Today I will not worry" became difficult...but I continued to do it! I found myself in a very strained position, financially, emotionally, physically, even spiritually...completely drained. When I simply could no longer ignore the fact that I was worrying about what would happen, I began meditating and praying (pretty much one and the same thing for me) in a more focused direction, asking for renewed strength, continued faith in God and trust in His Universe, for clarity, guidance and direction, as well as the wisdom to "see" the solutions as they were presented to be (as I was sure they would be). On October 27th, after a full prayer/meditation session, I fell asleep as usual...and that night had the following dream.

I don't remember it in its entirety, even though I wrote it down immediately upon awakening, but it was very long and quite lovely, involving much pleasant company, beautiful places, food, pleasure...But the two points which were brought home for me to "see" and understand from the dream, the answers to my prayer, the clarity, guidance and direction I was seeking, are as follows:

  • Finding myself all of a sudden completely alone and in someone else's clothing (dreams are like that aren't they?) actually typical Indian men's clothing, and coming outdoors from wherever I was and feeling cold. The clothing was not warm enough for the sudden change in weather. Feeling quite chilled and not knowing what to do, I was all of a sudden given a shawl to keep me warm. Telling me, as I see it, that you will ALWAYS be provided with whatever you need to keep you comfortable in every new and unexpected circumstance.
  • I next found myself confused while walking through alleys of what seemed like some old part of town, (not lost, frightened confused), just confused that I didn't understand how to get where I wanted to...as if it was something I already knew and couldn't remember...When I asked the first person I met, he simply said "Follow your instincts". I think that needs no explanation...but was for me at that point so profound that I woke in tears of joy.

To be continued shortly in Part II

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